Who Cares About John Thain's Solutions to Our Banking Crisis?

03/18/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

John Thain's publicists are now out branding him as a problem solver. Surely, Ken Sunshine and his crew of professional spin doctors must have watched 1984 on Showtime over the holiday break. How else can we explain one of the biggest corporate criminals offering us, the screwed taxpayers, advice on how to fix the problem he participated in causing?

John, I will save you the $500 an hour you're paying Ken. There are two models for you: Oliver North and Eliot Spitzer. Oliver committed treason and sold arms to the Iranians yet has a cult-like following at FOX News (I would list that as one of the Top 5 Ironies in media), while Eliot was out shagging college-aged girls behind his wife's back yet he is now in the media as a commentator on corporate ethics.

Given the success of Oliver and Eliot, it may not be long before John's agents sign him to a great deal with a media outlet which will let him have carte blanche regarding the interior design of his dressing room ...