Huffpost Divorce
THE BLOG

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors

Damona Hoffman Headshot

5 Ways That Having Kids Can Improve Your Dating Life

Posted: Updated:

Many of my clients come to me once they're ready to be with someone new after a previous relationship has ended. Single parents often see that goal as unreachable when they factor in their parental responsibilities. Being a mommy myself, I understand the demands of parenthood. While I definitely advocate putting your children first and avoiding getting new flings involved in your kids' lives until you know they are the real deal, some single parents get the false impression that their dating lives are over until their kids turn 18. In my opinion, there are many reasons why having kids can actually improve your chances of finding love again.

1. You're a great listener. According to Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman of Uncommon-Parenting.com, "the old adage 'Children should be seen and not heard' is not one that many parents today espouse. Most parents would agree that children need a voice at every stage of their development." When we become accustomed to hearing our children's voices and understanding their point of view, we get the added benefit of also becoming stronger communicators outside the home. The best way to make a great impression on a date is to be a great listener, which means not only hearing your date, but also asking follow-up questions and responding to what they say.

2. You understand compromise. Ever tried to force a 2-year-old to get into their car seat? It probably ended up in a screaming fit or a game of tug-of-war. I have had to learn to be patient with my daughter and offer her compromises in return for taking actions that I need her to do, even if she doesn't want to do them. A solid relationship is built upon communication and compromise, so if you've mastered this skill with your child, you are well on your way to forming a healthy relationship.

3. You don't have a lot of time to waste. Parents are busy. They can't say yes to every coffee date invitation that they get on Match.com (as I would usually recommend for my childless clients). This means that you make smart selections about who to go out with. Parents must choose who they spend their time with wisely, and this means that you will generally make better selections and connect with people that have the most relationship potential.

4. You are comfortable in your body. Once you've birthed a child, you lose a lot of inhibitions about people seeing you naked. Dads also get more comfortable after tapping into their inner child on playdates. After you've had to wear face paint or a tutu at your child's behest, any trace of vanity that you once had tends to disappear. When you feel good in your own skin, others take notice and your attractiveness factor will soar.

5. Shared custody gives you date nights. As much as you might miss your kids when your ex has them for the evening, the freedom of being able to do whatever you want, come home when you choose, and stay up past your usual bedtime is freeing. Knowing, in advance, that you have certain nights free can help you maximize your dating time. Plus, when you have your kids, you can leave your date wanting more and play a little hard-to-get. Your next date will be even sexier when absence has made your hearts grow fonder.

If you need help getting your groove back, claim your free profile evaluation here and get on track before your kids graduate from college.