Has Sean Penn Told A Joke in The Last 20 Years?

04/27/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Sean Penn has been cast in The Three Stooges. This would be great news if Sean Penn was funny.

But Sean Penn is not. Sean Penn is the most serious person in the world.

Now all you naysayers will likely ignore that he's the most serious person in the world, and point out that he's Spicoli, the precocious surfer from Fast Time at Ridgemont High. I'll admit, Spicoli's hilarious. But I think he's been a little over-hyped in all of our minds. Part of the fun of watching Spicoli is watching the most serious person in the world play a stoner. Plus, that character would've been funny if anyone played it. Sean Penn saying "Learning about Cuba and having some pizza" didn't make that line funny. Pizza did. And Cuba helped.

If the most serious person in the world delivered that line, it would've been "Human rights in Cuba can not be ignored. I think this pizza has cancer. I want to say 'thank you' to everyone but my wife."

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that Sean Penn isn't even the funniest actor in that movie. You know who makes me laugh more? Judge Reinhold. And that guy who plays Mike Dimone. When the Farrelly's cast Judge and Dimone as the other two stooges, that's when I'll get excited. "If you really want to smack Curly with a frying pan, you'll play side 1 of Led Zeppelin IV."

Sean Penn is a great actor. Perhaps he can pull this off. But I'd rather see him stick to what he's good at: saving Katrina victims and crying in Clint Eastwood movies. You know, really depressing things that make me sad when I think about them.

Maybe Sean Penn's plan is to encompass every type of pain a human can experience. We all know that drama can hurt, but comedy can literally crush your soul. He must know that there's a banana peel waiting to take him down and break his tailbone. That's real pain right there. That's range.

Actually, the more I think about it, the more the I'm looking forward to the most serious person in the world getting smacked in the face. That's seriously funny. Nyuk nyuk nyuk.