He's Just Not That Into You comes out this weekend and I'm gonna see it. I don't really want to see it. But I will. It's out of my control.
It's inevitable. When I first saw the trailer, I knew my fate. I knew that whether it was in theaters or part of a TBS RomCom marathon, I'd see this movie.
And I'm ok with that. It's a light comedy with around eighty recognizable actors; the perfect example of a movie I don't necessarily "want" to see, but "would" see. I would never organize an outing with friends to see this, but if one called me up and was like "Hey Dan! You like movies that have nothing objectionable about them. Any interest in seeing "He's Just Not That Into You?" (this happens surprisingly often), my response would be, "no, but I'll still go."
The cast is filled with charming mainstream actors playing charming mainstream roles. How can we turn this down? Even if you don't like some of the actors involved, you're sure to find another one in the lot who does it for you. Can't stand Drew Barrymore? Who can? It doesn't matter - she probably only has 10 minutes of face time, making way for the Jennifer Connellys of the world. Think Justin Long is a hipster doofus? He is, but you know who's not? Kris Kristofferson. Yeah, that's right, according to imdb, he's in this movie. He was in Blade. The guy's hard.
There's got to be something tolerable in this movie for everyone. So just give in, see it, and move on. We can't fight this flick and there's certainly no way we can escape it. It's destined to become the highest grossing film of all time.
That's why I'm going to bite the bullet and see an advanced screening on Thursday. Get it of the way. Then I'll be able to rest easy knowing I've seen a movie that I never really cared about in the first place, but will exploit for "movie game" purposes.
I'll be able to reference it in conversation and when people say "Oh, you've seen He's Just Not That Into You?" I can respond: "Of course, haven't you?" And to that, they will agree. Because at some point everyone in the entire world will have seen this movie. And when they ask me what my favorite part was, I will smile, put my hand on their shoulder and say "When I got out of its way and let it control my life. For I was much happier then." I imagine they will then look at me funny, but know where I was coming from. They'll know. Oh, they'll know.