05/19/2010 09:06 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Why I'm Looking Forward to the "Lost" Finale

I can't wait for the "Lost" finale. Can't waaaaaait! It's gonna be so awesome. All my questions will be answered. Why are they there? Is it purgatory? How come the fat guy hasn't gotten skinnier despite being on a deserted island??!?!? How come everyone's facial hair looks so good? Do they have wifi? I must know!!!!!!

Oh wait. Strike that. I've never seen an episode. And THAT is why I can't wait to find out how it ends.

I'm tired of not being in the know. When everyone at the lunch table (the lunch table is the new water cooler) is discussing the previous night's episode, I'm forced to sit by myself at the water cooler (the water cooler is the new lunch table) not being included. This show lends itself to people ignoring others (me) and that's not cool. There have been countless conversations where I've stood around, awkwardly nodding along as people discussed how the show's "gone downhill but what was up with that flashback?" Then when I acknowledge I've never watched, I'm greeted with people saying "What the hell? You have to rent all the DVDs and watch this weekend."

No. I don't tell them to go spend 90 hours doing something just because I like it. That's inconsiderate. And a little self-centered.

But alas, it's over soon, which means that the playing field will be evened. As someone who owns a computer, I will be unable to escape the plethora of coverage the finale will receive. The moment I sign on to Facebook or Twitter or even my favorite Buffalo Bills blog, I'll be bombarded with the revelations from the show's swan song.

And then, I will know just as much as the folks who were driving themselves insane trying to solve the show's mysteries. I'll have the same answers as them -- without ever having to watch an episode.

Yes, you may argue that it's the not same. That the frustration and ignorance is part of the fun. That I missed out on the joy of watching it all develop. To that I say: I do not care. I've never cared. And now, not only will I know just as much as you, but I'll have exerted no energy to find it out.

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