I'm new to politics. For years I have avoided being an adult, and immersing myself in serious world affairs seemed like it would be the nail in the coffin for my childhood.
In the meantime, I've mostly restricted myself to following pop culture and referencing Craig T. Nelson vehicles (Say what you want about The Skulls, but we all know that Coach's performance was a tour de force.)
So I was a bit surprised when I turned on the TV last night and all my favorite shows were being pre-empted by some speech about health care. But given my recent decision to grow up, I figured I'd check it out and see what all the hubbub was about.
Here's what I saw: Obama giving a hell of a speech, while some bored guy behind him rubbed his temple, seemingly thinking, "I had no idea this would last this long. I hope this isn't pre-empting all my favorite shows."
And in one section of the audience, I saw a bunch of children, who like me, have avoided growing up.
The scene reminded me of high school, where the student body President (Obama, in this case) just announced that he'd like to put a vending machine in the cafeteria, and some jock with too much hair gel would scream out, "Shut up, dork!" and then high-five his Dave Matthews Band-listening friends.
But a vending machine would be awesome, wouldn't it? "Reduced price Snapples for all," Obama would say. Who wouldn't want that? Maybe a bunch of bullies who didn't want to listen to what the vending machine would offer.
Joe Wilson's "You Lie" outburst seemed especially juvenile. It contained no original thought or sentence structure - just a burst of whatever words popped into his head. Wilson may as well have screamed out, "Fag!", which would have had the same affect. Just an immature blowhard causing a ruckus because he's worried he's not getting enough attention.
Had Wilson been a high schooler, he surely would've been reprimanded by some guidance counselor and been forced to apologize. And, like his actual apology, it would be bullshit. "Sorry you're such a dork," he would say.
After watching this, I realized that my refusal to follow politics because it's too adult has all been for naught.
Apparently, some politicians are less mature than me.
Follow Dan Abramson on Twitter: www.twitter.com/thehollywoodham