Memo to: Fellow Members of Congress
From: Darrell Issa, Republican of California
Re: Support for legislation to abolish an antiquated law.
I urge you to join us in sponsoring the Hall-Latta-Flake-Issa-Upton-Noem-Goodlatte Act.
For too long, science has been trotted out to justify environmental protection, when it is actually being used to mask tax-and-spend policies that sink our economy. With that in mind, I ask you to support the next logical step in our Republican Caucus' crusade to abolish job-killing "environmental" laws and excessive regulations. Please join us in cosponsoring H.R. 32174, a bill to repeal the Law of Gravity.
Congress never passed this law. No president signed it. No court reviewed it. Not even Al Gore voted for it. As Sen. James Inhofe has said of putative "global warming," so-called gravity is "the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the American people."
Congress never intended that whatever goes up must come down -- with the exception of taxes.
H.R. 32174, also known as the "Newt, not Newton Act," simply restores scientific understanding to where it was before 1687. Our bill would give this Congress the opportunity to consider economic impact when setting gravitational levels, and roll back a law that, as Gov. Rick Perry said of evolution, is really just a theory.
Even President Obama observed in his inaugural address that we need to "restore science to its rightful place." So, after government scientists officially declared that global warming is harmful, we voted to repeal their finding. To restore a proper balance between Americans' health and healthy profits, we voted to undo key administration proposals issued under the Clean Air Act.
Now, my House Oversight and Government Reform Committee will conduct hearings, with scientist witnesses representing both sides of the "gravity" issue, just as we did on supposed "global warming." "Gravity" skeptics will testify under oath that "gravity" is a fraud.
"Gravity" alarmists covered up internal emails that demonstrated their own questions about "gravitational pull," which the emails acknowledge has remained unchanged for 324 years. So, we will hold a hearing next week, "Gravitygate: How Do You Like Them Apples?"
It is well known that "No Newton is good Newton." Yet self-styled "scientists" perpetuate the myth of alleged "gravitational pull" to obtain government grants. If we spent less time bringing things down to earth and more time abolishing regulations, we'd all be better off.
Think of what we can save by repealing this law: There will be less bruising of fruit, which formerly fell from trees. This will increase agricultural productivity. Coal, oil and gas will drift to the surface. This will slash mining and drilling costs.
Most important, we will save money at the pump while cuffing the heavy hand of government -- and keeping oil industry profits safe. Without "gravity," our cars will float through the sky, making highways obsolete. With no highways there will be no highway trust fund -- so, no need for gasoline taxes to support it. Thus, by ending the "gravity mandate," we will bring down the price of gas. QED.
The only thing the so-called "law of gravity" hasn't held down is the federal deficit. That's why it shouldn't even be called "gravity" -- it's Obamity.
The Hall, Latta, Flake, Issa, Upton, Noem, Goodlatte (Read it aloud; we're not making these names up) bill will conquer the false notion of "gravity." We shall strike a blow for business over bureaucrats, for the free market over nature and for God over science -- knowing that if God wanted there to be "gravity," He would have put it in the Bible.
P.S.: With so-called "global warming" now discredited, there is no need to worry about rising sea levels. Please watch for our amendment removing funding for levees, in Rep. King's Congressional Authority to Neutralize Unfunded Tidal Excess, or the King CANUTE Act.
Dan Becker directs the Safe Climate Campaign, which advocates strong measures against global warming and believes in gravity. James Gerstenzang, who formerly covered the White House and the environment for the Los Angeles Times, is the campaign's editorial director.
Follow Dan Becker and James Gerstenzang on Twitter: www.twitter.com/safeclimatecamp