Responding to a "skeptical but interested" female student's question about whether she should engage in "period sex," a pair of columnists at the Rice University student newspaper offer their takes. It is the male columnist receiving a bit of "wait, what?" buzz for an answer that includes the terms immensely disgusted, pervert, horrible plague, horrible turbulence, airplane food, and really, really gross.
Writing under the Greek God pseudonym Ares, the student compares period sex to jumping into "a lake . . . filled with blood," swimming in the ocean during "Shark Week," and starring in "There Will Be Blood" (I'm guessing specifically the scene at the end involving a bowling ball bludgeoning).
A portion of Aries's sacred words: "When I first read this question, I was immensely disgusted. Naturally, I turned to the Bible for help. While it is true that Moses parted the Red Sea, this is in no way a thumbs up from the Holy Book. In fact, those celebrating Passover next week will remember that turning the rivers into blood was a horrible plague designed to punish the Egyptians. From what I can tell, none of the Pharaoh's people used the opportunity to get it on in the churning river of red blood cells. A quick search through Leviticus further reveals that while the Bible has many bloodbaths, you shouldn't have one in bed."
Oh, Ares, you sure know how to make the ladies swoon . . . or not. As a Jezebel post contends, "His Bible riff is so dumb that I thought it was a setup for an eventual, 'JK, period sex is chill' type of conclusion . . . but, nah, he just thinks period sex is 'really, really gross.'"
The second response from female columnist Athena is much tamer, citing the need for communication, consideration of pregnancy and STI infections, and "your partner's comfort." A snippet: "Some women have reported elevated feelings and enjoying sex more while on their periods, but period sex can also result in some sticky situations."