To the Prince George's County Board of Education:
Now that your superintendent Dr. William Hite has elected to take the head job up in my hometown, it is with grand ambition and humble clarity that I announce my candidacy to lead your fair school district. I feel that my two years as a Teach For America corps member at your very own Benjamin Stoddert Middle School make me eminently qualified to tackle this challenge. But if my experience alone doesn't impress you, then I present to you my Eleven Point Plan to transform the nation's 18th largest education system into the finest in the land. (That's right. My plan goes to eleven.)
- I will serve pizza for lunch. Every day. No exceptions. Our kids will eat more pizza than the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Why pizza, you ask? Because just last year Meat Lover's pizza was officially classified as a vegetable by an act of Congress, meaning that by law their food will be delicious and nutritious. (Michelle Obama will now light herself on fire.)
And that's my Eleven Point Plan. Now when do I start the job?
Oh, you've decided to go a different direction? That's fine. I guess I'll just find another district to take my CRAP.
The Eleven Point Plan outlined above does not reflect the views of the author. It does however apparently reflect the views, at various times, of 368 members of Congress, the Philadelphia School Reform Commission, the Boston Consulting Group, Newt Gingrich, Jan Brewer, Bobby Jindal, the Texas Republican Party, the Texas State Board of Education, the Indiana General Assembly, Mitt Romney and many others. I guess I could get behind the school prayer thing. God help us all.