Scarves, Daps, and 8 Other Sure-Fire Signs of Terrorist Sympathizers

06/18/2008 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Boy howdy, has it been an exciting week. Now that Michelle and Barack Obama have been exposed as Osama's lackeys due to their foolishly giving each other the terrorist fist jab so common in al-Qaeda and Hamas circles, we can finally rest easy, safe in the knowledge that this mole that the terrorists cleverly hid away in a Christian church for several decades will never see the inside of the White House. Why the Obamas displayed this well-known terrorist secret handshake so publicly will probably never be known, until they confess under duress at Guantanamo of course, but best not to think about that too hard. Victory's on the march, after all. The Obamas are only the latest terror-sympathizing fifth columnists to be revealed to the world. Just a few days before the Obamas shamelessly revealed their desire for never-ending jihad with a shocked American public, fellow terrorist Rachael Ray was caught red-handed wearing a Sharia-inspired scarf. The terrorists seems to be everywhere these days, what with their running for president and shilling for donutmongers. But as long as we all make like Michelle Malkin and keep our eyes open, wary for the next foul scarf, we'll all be fine. What follows, then, are more signs of terrorist sympathies. Learn them. Know them. They just might save your life. Or your life. Or your life. Or YOURS!

Signs you might be a terrorist (Feel free to add your own in the comments)

1) If you drink any sort of coffee with a name ending in "-ccino," you might be a terrorist.

2) If you plan on voting for fist-pounding terrorist sympathizer Barack Obama, you might be a terrorist.

3) If you live in San Francisco, you might be a terrorist.

4) If you think that even Michelle Malkin could find better things to do with her time than examine the fashion choices of Rachael Ray, you might be a terrorist.

5) If you think that Fox News' reporting of a fist pound as a terrorist fist jab makes them look shockingly, eye-poppingly, searingly stupid as opposed to making Barack Obama look like a terrorist, you might be a terrorist.

6) If you went out and bought one of those scarves the minute Dunkin Donuts pulled the ad, you might be a terrorist.

7) If you read Huffington Post, you might be a terrorist.

8) If you actually blog at Huffington Post, you are a terrorist. Report to Guantanamo for re-education.

OK, turning the snark off. You know what makes me happy about Rachael Ray's scarf and Barack Obama's fist pound? That this is all they have. Sweet Jesus, do you remember 1994, ace? The GOP came in like a roaring giant, smashing aside Democrats like so many mewling, defenseless kittens. It seemed as though the Republicans were here to stay and that the Democrats would soon be going the way of the Whigs or the Know Nothings. Doomed to a footnote in history, forever to be snickered at in AP U.S. History classes in high schools across America -- at least until the Republicans destroyed public education.

And now, that juggernaut of the late 20th Century has become a scared, crying child in the corner in the 21st. A red-faced, tantrum-throwing brat screeching because it is not getting its way. This is all they have. Terrorist fist jabs and terrorist scarves. I almost feel sorry for them. Hell, I would, if they didn't so richly deserve the situation in which they now find themselves. You cannot spend the better part of a decade preying like vultures on the fears of a hurt, grieving nation and then expect sympathy from the nation when it finally gets wise to the game. The next few months are going to be grand. If people like Malkin and the blowhards at Fox News have made themselves look this ridiculous in just a few short weeks, imagine what the rest of the campaign will bring. So pour yourself a glass of lemonade, pull up a chair on the front porch, and get ready to watch the fireworks. It's gonna be a beautiful summer.