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What We Learned This Semester

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After countless hours on Facebook, innumerable desperate calls home for money, and several rationalizations for eating at Taco Bell, the Fall semester of 2010 is finally coming to close. As students scurry off to a previously unknown mythical place on campus known in some cultures as a "library," now is a perfect time to reflect on what we learned this semester.

We learned that one loko is a party, but Four Loko is a revolution -- and a headache like you wouldn't believe the next morning.

We learned that the Ballroom Dancing 101 class that was all the rage this semester doesn't necessarily teach a person how to dance away from a conviction. Right, Mr. Delay.

We learned that a functioning knowledge of the constitution, or even just the first amendment, is not a pre-requisite for (running for senate.)

We learned that getting paid to play college football is totally not cheating as long as your Dad asks for the money. Duh. (http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=5870788)

We learned a whole lot of things that we probably aren't supposed to know about. Thanks Wikileaks and Jersey Shore.

We learned that Sarah Palin is in fact capable of making history: She's the first former female candidate for Vice President to have her very own failing reality TV show on a network that features a program called Toddlers and Tiaras.

We learned that as Christmas approaches, the best gift may be Rosetta Stone, because as universities attempt to slash their budget, they are beginning to say au revoir, adios and 再见 to foreign languages.

We learned that voting is soooo 2008.

We learned that the tongue of a blue whale sometimes weighs more than a full-grown adult elephant. Well, at least I learned that and it stuck. I wish I could say the same for rest of the course material I learned in biology.

And finally, we learned that our generation is in fact not completely bereft of motivation and will gather en masse in Washington D.C. for the most just of causes: satire.

Good luck to all the students out there who should be studying rather than reading this, and remember, when in doubt, just hope that somebody in the class emails you the entire exam.