Last night, at a screening of my fatherhood documentary in New York City, something interesting and rather unexpected happened during the Q&A. A dad in the audience started talking about his surprise at how the new fathers in his tech company are refusing to take the generous paid parental leave that he is now offering.
"After changing our company's policy to four weeks of paid leave, the new dads were still coming back days after the birth,'" he shared, boggled.
If you aren't already privy to it, there's an unspoken rule in corporate America for dads when it comes to parental leave policy or anything that hints at real work/family balance: use at your own career peril.
Regardless of how 'family friendly' corporations paint themselves or how those in charge promote these ideas, it doesn't seem to matter. According to sociologist and masculinity expert Dr. Michael Kimmel, "Only one percent of American companies offer paid parental leave to their employees and of those companies, only one percent of dads actually take them."
Why is this? Because the unspoken rule is that if you are a dad (although moms can certainly feel the squeeze here as well) and you opt for such a policy, then you are committing career hari kari. In other words, you are not committed enough to your company and therefore you can forget about promotions, raises, becoming a partner, etc. Congratulations, because now you are on the 'daddy track.'
This is a perplexing issue because so much that stands in the way of dads really evolving in our culture is impeded by this limited corporate mentality and, in a larger sense, this mentality of profits over people is only further damning us as a country.
One of the fundamental problems with our country right now is that we are experiencing corporate malaise due to too much pencil pushing, clock punching and high attrition. People no longer feel like they are being treated like human beings and more like little productive bees, pushed to the max to work harder and longer in the pursuit of their company's profit. They feel that corporations don't really care about them and, for the most part, I think they're correct.
Is it possible to change such a mindset, especially when it comes to how dads see themselves in the workforce? The answer is a resounding yes insofar as it relates to our country's CEOs -- which brings me back to the CEO who was in our audience.
I was beginning to wonder why this CEO was present at the screening and so involved in the discussion, when he offhandedly mentioned that he himself is a father of a newborn. My guess is that he has had some sort of awakening to the value of being around his baby and that, beyond what his employees were doing, he was probably butting up against the same limiting corporate mentality that holds his employees back.
The truth is that the only way things are going to change in corporations is if CEOs like this dad not only encourage parental leave and other family policies in their companies but actually pick up a proverbial bullhorn and proclaim that they are using them themselves. A CEO who makes it a point that he will need to leave work to take his child to a doctor's appointment, rather than sneaking out to do so (or saying that the appointment is for himself) is going to make much more of an impact than any policy his company might have. Only by sending such a clear message to one's employees can limiting corporate mindsets be broken.
While it doesn't fit our current corporate atmosphere, these changes can only be of benefit in the long run. I think Dr. Kimmel says it best: "The benefits: a happier labor force, with employees who feel cared about, and who won't leave (think about how much it costs to train and retain good people). Job satisfaction drives profits. Retention drives profits."
So, if you are a CEO and you are having similar pangs as the dad who was in our audience, or regrets about the time you missed with your kids, I challenge you to pick up your bullhorn, take a ride on the 'daddy track' and lead the charge when it comes to how dads should be treated. No doubt it will be a radical shift of policy; but in the long term you will be doing an incredible service for your company, for your children and ultimately for our country.
Dana H. Glazer is the award-winning director of the feature documentary, The Evolution of Dad. To learn more or to order a copy of the DVD in time for Father's Day, please visit www.evolutionofdad.com.
The art of being a father is to really hope and believe your children will do better than you....this song describes a gift we can all give our children. You can listen to it at:
http://www.reverbnation.com/artist/song_details/8789669
Cheers,
/gerry
www.gerrysegal.com
This is not what makes a good father in my opinion. A good father carries his unpaid load in family life, manages the dual focus of earning and parenting, develops adult relationship skills for interaction with the mother, learns mentoring/nurturing and how to relate to his children.
If you are confidant of your skills and you think you are worth it.....demand a job that allows you to have a life. If you don't ask for it.....don't expect it to be handed to you. Maybe you will lose your job but what have you lost..... a job with a company that had no respect for your personal life or goals. There clearly are employers out there who "get" this and the more we demand it the more employers will move onside.
Compared to Europe....we are crazy.....we are so willing to work ourselves to death for company that would fire us in a hot second if the circumstances required it. Not sure where this misplaced loyalty comes from but it makes no sense!!
Is this sentence accurate as written? I wonder if it is "Only one percent of American companies offer paid PATERNAL leave to their employees and of those companies, only one percent of dads actually take them."? Or else the percentage is off? Because I think there is paid maternity leave in at least some companies- I suspect more than 1%?
When I finished school I would often head for the family business (a glass shop) to finish homework, wander around and so forth until my dad could take me home, usually at the end of the work day. He had grown up on a family farm. There work and living are meshed. I worked there on occasion too. My first real outside job was a family bakery in town. The original founders, the owners' parents, lived over the store and would come down in the mornings to help with the work. The patterns of life and work meshed totally. 9-5 hours didn't really exist. Family members worked in the place as well as others. You did work or chores when needed and also took off as needed. Babies and other kids would spend time there, do home work and so forth.
Even in skinny times these places didn't shut down. You would also have been shutting down the families. That doesn't mean they didn't make profits. They had to in order to keep the doors open. Unlike corporations which close locations which don't make "enough" for them. We lose a lot with the corporate model.
Nobody lies on their death bed and wishes they had worked more.