The first Sunday in May is officially Girlfriend Mom Day. Mark your calendars, Hallmark.
This day is for all women who are dating, in a relationship with, or living with a man who has children, but does not have any children of her own. If you are no longer dating, in a relationship with or living with said man, AND you continue to have a relationship with his children, you are still their Girlfriend Mom. These are the directives, as written by me, the first official Girlfriend Mom, as evidenced by my trademark filing, which was done through a lawyer and not so cheap. If anyone has a problem with it, you can leave your comments below.
"You attract what you need in life."
Two weeks ago my Girlfriend Mom daughter wanted to go out with me to celebrate Girlfriend Mom Day. To say that I was touched would be a gross understatement. For the past few years, when Mother's Day rolled around, I often felt anxious. I wanted some acknowledgment as a vital person in my now ex-boyfriend's life, as it pertained to his kids. I wasn't just the girlfriend, but I wasn't their biological mom either. I played a role in their lives, and I wanted to celebrate and validate the Girlfriend Mom.
"The love you get is equal to the love you give."
I like to think that I've given my ex-boyfriend's kids what I was capable of giving them over the last 8 years. In the beginning it wasn't even a blip on my childless-by-choice radar. Sometimes my love was tenuous and awkward, but it has grown stronger with each passing year, and now I give often and freely.
What has really been extraordinary about this journey, is that my love has been returned to me in so many unexpected ways. Until these kids came into my life, I didn't know that I wanted a relationship with a child. In fact, it was quite the opposite. I never wanted children in my life but as it turns out, I do want them. Not all children of course. These children.
We celebrated GM Day with a walk in Central Park. She presented me with a lovely purse and a card that turned on the waterworks. "I am so lucky to have the first official Girlfriend Mom in my life. You mean so much to m,e and I really don't know what I would do without you. You inspire me to do what makes me happy, and be healthy. As we established, family are not those you are born with, but those who are always there for you, judgement free and understand all of your quirks." How friggin' blessed am I?
She is so easy to talk to -- open, vulnerable and curious. She talks about seeing the world and she recently discovered meditation. How can I not love this young woman?
I look back to the beginning, and I don't recognize myself. I see a scared woman, unsure of taking on a family already in progress. I see a woman who couldn't touch, hug or kiss, because it felt unnatural. I see a jealous and defensive woman, who was selfish with their father's love.
It's truly astonishing what the heart is capable of when there's patience, kindness, hard, yet rewarding, work and surrendering to what is standing right in front of you. It also speaks to the power of love. I didn't ask to be a Girlfriend Mom, but because of the love I had for my ex, along the way, I fell in love with his kids. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
Happy Girlfriend Mom Day!