I have a racist in-law. But then again, who doesn't?
I don't see a lot of this guy, because my wife only begrudgingly let him back into her life after a decade of exile. She has not exactly done cartwheels over the decision, but we're stuck with him now.
Clearly, this man is not particularly close to his relative, my wife, or else he would have noticed that she disgraced the master race by marrying a Latino. My guess is that he thinks I just spend a lot of time in the tanning booth.
It's important to note that my in-law is not overt about his bigotry. He either isn't as virulent as, say, 1950s Strom Thurmond, or more likely, he doesn't have the cojones to be upfront about it.
Of course, this brings up the uncomfortable truth that we now have degrees of racism. In the old days, a person was either a hate-filled redneck with a noose in one hand, or he was a progressive, love-thy-neighbor type who was incapable of seeing race, much less discriminating against someone.
But a more nuanced view has come into play in recent years. This viewpoint holds that everyone has some level of unconscious prejudice. At its lowest level, it may be the white woman who grips her purse a little tighter when a black man passes her on the street. From there, we ratchet up the intensity until we reach Klan level.
My in-law is somewhere between those poles. His dancing around the issue makes his prejudice less obnoxious in person and, on occasion, even unintentionally hilarious.
Recently, he sent us a forwarded email that slammed Obama's immigration-reform plan. Perhaps I should have pointed out to him that there is no Obama immigration-reform plan, per se, but that would have prevented me from savoring the deeply astute political viewpoints that the email expressed.
Yes, I learned a lot from my quick glance at the missive. Most interestingly, the email detoured into how Anglo Saxon culture was the only basis for American values. The email gave white people credit for ending slavery in America (neglecting the obvious fact that white people were responsible for slavery in the first place). I must admit that this was an interpretation of history that I had never considered.
The forward ended, rather ominously, with the declaration that white people can, at any point, take back everything they have generously given the rest of America.
I wasn't sure what response my in-law wanted. Like I said, I barely know the guy.
Is it more proper to call him on his bullshit? Or would that just be a waste of time that does nothing but jack up everyone's blood pressure? Is it standing up for oneself and La Raza to go on the counteroffensive? Or is it more dignified to dismiss idiocy with the split-second contempt that it deserves? Like many things in life, dealing with racists offers valid arguments for contradictory courses of action.
In the end, I just deleted the man's rant and made a mental note to do the same whenever he sends us another email.
He's since forwarded numerous other manifestos, but I've deleted them automatically, declining the opportunity to learn how Obama is a socialist who wasn't even born in this country and wants to give all my money to gay, flag-burning immigrants.
That can wait until my next face-to-face discussion with my in-law, whenever that is. I'm sure he'll start the conversation with "I'm not racist, but..."
Yes, good times are coming.
I, too, have been on the receiving end of this same sort of email, from the same source - incidentally. Kudos to your charming wife for allowing this relative back into her life. I'm sure it was not an easy decision.
My response to the emails I received was to simply write back and say, "We will never agree, politically, socially or religiously, and I love you too much to waste what little time we communicate with one another on those issues. I respect your right to hold those views, please respect my right not to be assailed by by your opinions. We have other things to talk about.
This relative's response?...silence, for many years. However, this relative called and requested to spend time with my family during Christmas of 2008, and brought with him a woman who was not his wife. They exploited my good will, my hospitality and offended my sensibilities under my own roof. He did not want to visit; he wanted a free place to stay. Fortunately, my lumpy hide-a-bed couch offended his lady friend, who insisted, after staying in the bathroom for two hours and running the house out of hot water, they move to a hotel down the street.
The moral? Watch out, he may be looking for a place to stay the next time he decides to vacation in CA, under the guise of wanting to spend more time with you and your wife.
However, I am going to start countering the missives again, when I get them from others. Sierraseven made a good point about that. I think I am more or less "out" as a liberal, with no plans to attend a religious service at any point in the future, so I rarely get them. But I do, from time to time. I won't lie, I have lost a lot of friends over time as a result of standing up for my views, but honestly, my social life to day is richer for it because no time is wasted on people who wouldn't like me if they knew what I really thought.
My step-father is a walking, talking rac-ist pig. When I introduced him to my father-in-law and told him of his background in the Air Force, he snidely ask 'Which one?, I didn't know Cuba had an Air Force'.
The prejudice comes in all forms, jokes included.
I had enough, he is no longer a part of my life. My children do not know him or their grandmother on that side. The cycle has to stop sometime, and you might as well take a stand when you see it.
A couple days after last election day I visited John and he smilingly told me he had voted for Obama. He said it was because McCain had picked that dimwit to be his VP which I'm sure was true: But he cast his lot with the best man ignoring or in spite of his race. I knew somthing in my country had shifted and it makes my heart glad. I'm glad for my friend too.
We don't choose our in laws we can choose our friends.
Other than that, try to look for the good in the man, he is after all a relative of your wife.
Forgive him period.
Other than that, consider that Hispanics are not going to be the minority very soon, they will be the majority.
Over the years - when I've discussed this with others - I have heard many stories of people who have been able to work through it ... I wish I had been able to do so myself ... I was weak ... I lost the love of my life because I did not have the skills or backbone to deal with it ... Racism and bigotry ... horrible terrible things ...
I am very proud of you who have been able to handle it properly .. KUDOS!
I'm being harsh. I'm also being too broad. Melodramatic even. I'll be seeing my family in a couple of months but I learned long ago that unless they come toward the light they're going to quash mine with a big old southern cast iron skillet to the bulb and I just got tired.
I guess you could say I "deleted them". I have occasion to be around them. For my parents and if not for that I'd never go around them. I try to confine the converation to the weather and how big their big white babies have gotten since I saw them last. The cobbler isn't bad. I try to focus on the flakey crust and I also try not to throw the pie plate.
How do you cure racism? I think it should be part of the Healthcare Bill.
Whether your wife wants to have a relationship with him or not, you can opt out of their get togethers.
I have picked and chosen in my family who I will and won't be around as someone openly gay, some add NOTHING to my life, and aren't worth any effort expended on them. Better to have great friends in your iner circle, than a waste of flesh who by some accident is related to you.
poles. Then I received all the nasty e-mails, etc. At first I deleted them and tried to move on, but
after a time, I started firing stuff back to them. I keep telling them they should try to watch something
besides Fox Noise, then my sister said that all republicans are honest and democrats are liars.
They have really bought into the Fox Mantra. I told my sister I was glad Jim Jones wasn't alive
and on Fox, because I was sure she and my brother in law would follow him to Guana to drink
the koolaid. Since they never paid any attention to politics until Pres. Obama came on the scene,
I'm sure she didn't even know what I was talking about. It is very discouraging what is happening
in this country today. I still have faith, however, that things will get better. I shudder to think
what would be going on had McCain and Palin won the election!!!
My folks later commented how the vein throbbing in my forehead made for the perfect effect, but the best part is that my uncle now chooses to be a bit more creative in his conversation with me, which no longer involves either race or politics!