THE BLOG
09/11/2012 01:08 pm ET Updated Nov 11, 2012

Social-Media (Amongst Other Things) Kills (Youth) Relationships

I can't imagine a world without the idea of 'love' or finding that one girl to spend the rest of your life with. It's hard because we go through our childhood and adolescence thinking that we will find 'the one,' get married and have a family. But then there's that one girl that you date in high school and together you enter denial with things like "together forever, no matter what" (weird shit like that) and you think, is this the girl? Did I actually find her already? Is she actually the one? How did I find her in high school while most people's search takes years?

High school sweethearts gone off to college and before you know it it's been six years dating, you get married, kids, dog... damn, fairytale status right there. But that's exactly what it is, it's fairytale status. It's the traditional utopian model for happiness but it doesn't always work out. For the teens, you exit the 'denial' when you finally realize that it was a joy ride, you were in it to try and make the best of it but some stupid reason separates you. You form an alliance with your friends to forbid any communication with your future 'one who got away' as she slowly fades into a memory.

The ideal model for a relationship has nearly vanished. Things seem like they're harder now than they had been in years passed. The idea of living in the public eye just doesn't work with relationships today, as it seems there's no way a guy and a girl can live their lives on Facebook and Twitter without having the urge to see who else is out there. As if the search ends with finding somebody, but as soon as you've gotten passed the packaging you want to trade them in for a newer model and the search restarts.

But is this search really what young people need? Do we actually need another person to fill a void that doesn't need to exist in the first place? Some think so, but I don't. I don't think the 'void' that can only be filled by 'young love' is necessary. I tend to focus on other things, like how I can build myself to one day create a career and a future so when I do build a relationship, hopefully I'll be more ready than the first time around. Trust me, I tried the young relationship thing and it started off great but then when shit gets rocky, other shit hits the fan. Also, when you're young the girl's parents get involved and when that happens, back the fuck away from the car and put your hands behind your back; you have officially entered the doghouse. I was young, It was my first relationship so I was new at it, I tried and I failed. Just beginner's un-luck, I guess. But at the same time, the un-luck was an experience.

I would often indulge in a dignified recollection of memories with 'her,' text her and realize that she's not a nice person anymore and I would ponder the thought that maybe it wasn't her that I was missing, but the idea of her (no offense to 'her'). The idea that somebody would, for the time being, consider me worthy enough of being on their Facebook profile under Relationship Status. Damn, priceless brownie points with the other ladies, "i'm a relationship guy... take me seriously."

There's the flip side to this madness where the youth actually takes a similar stance to mine on a similar public scale, making their Facebook statuses that they don't think this is the time for love but the time to go "buck wild" and be crazy. For the sake of this post I wish I could say let's disregard the ignorant people who comment on those genuine statuses with "it's because you can't find a girlfriend/boyfriend" but those comments are actually relevant to the core value to this post.

Are we really supposed to be finding our counterpart? Is there supposed to be the ongoing search to fill the 'void' that so many people complain about? When you don't have a girlfriend/boyfriend are you in the minority? Is this the right time? Is this really the right time?

I don't think so. Here's why:

It seems ridiculous when you realize some of the reasons people have relationships. It's often for the sex, the money or the inability and insecurity of being alone. For the youth, it's probably about the sex or the 'pride of ownership' kind of thing like: "Check out my girlfriend, she's so hot, especially compared to my last like three girlfriends bro... swag." "Fuck yeah!" It's like those people who have money but nothing else, so everything they talk about revolves around their money. "A lot of money riding on this game," "can you believe the money I put on this game?"

As juvenile or exaggerated as it may seem, situations like the following happen all too often. A picture of the couple may end up on Facebook where an ex-girlfriend interacts with it (by 'liking' or commenting) and your current girlfriend will question whether or not you still talk to her and that can of worms will just never close. The public eye is now the first trust-test in which a relationship must pass in order to survive, and its no longer just a test for celebrities.

This one's coming from experience, I think one of the main reasons relationships don't work out for the youth and the reason people get hurt is not because the counters are dicks, (even though we often think with them), but because they're (we're) young. Almost everything in this world is taught based on facts. Learn it, learn how to use it, learn how to manipulate it and think about all the ways those facts can be engineered to solve a problem. The only way 'love' and 'relationships' are taught is by the fairytale-status books and movies, the homes (often broken) and the people that you surround yourself with (often broken relationships as well). And from there, it's trial and error. So when your relationship doesn't end up amazing like at the end of every movie you can join the rest of the people who check off: Expectations: unrealized.

We can't be expected to achieve success on our first time around, and nobody is blaming us but why does society feel that this void should exist in the first place? It shouldn't. Not until we're older. Relationships are cool when they work, but when you're constantly trying to find a relationship and become bummed during the process it doesn't help anybody.

What is the real reason we have the urge to settle down so early when the majority of relationships end up splitting and then plastered on Facebook for the next year with status updates about how you're the man who doesn't need your ex or how you're fucking your next 'bitch' (You're the man also) or how she would always text you "sweet dreams" before going to sleep? There are things we love, things we miss, things we cherish and things we regret, but when we're young, the only thing that I have come to realize about the idea of 'love' is that it's my downfall. My day is not made or broken by somebody texting me "good morning" or "sweet dreams" but by allowing myself not to get bummed out, stressed or frustrated by a relatable endless search for young love.

As for now, I'm going to keep the majority of my searches to Google.

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