The end of childhood sneaks up on all of us. It's a bittersweet moment that I am anxiously dreading. For the boys and girls of Gossip Girl, their graduation marks a poignant transition -- the transformation of kids acting like adults into what will surely be a group of adults...

We've heard the rumors. Seen glimpses. And finally it's here. So many competing clichés: If it ain't broke, don't fix it vs. you can't have too much of a good thing. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush vs. don't count your chickens before they've hatched...

There comes a time in every Gossip Girl season when the episode coincides with a graduate school thesis, a Yankees/Red Sox game, and the distracting ramblings of a tipsy roommate. Will this week's episode rise above this adversity or flounder in the white noise?

8:01 Um, when you're carrying around...

Spring Fever is in the air. Check that, it's just my swine flu. Alright, on to the nitpicking.

8:01 Blair's fear of the subway is well articulated and valid: molemen and middle class professionals are blights on our fair city.

8:04 HAHAHAHAHAHA! Chuck has set back decades worth...

With the mental energy necessary to contrive some of these plots, I can see why Gossip Girl needs such frequent breaks. Let's see what they conjured up for us after their most recent hiatus:

8:01 Okay, I love Blair's horrible British accent.

8:03 Three minutes in and Cyrus has...

Many big things to resolve on Gossip Girl this week. Like how to get from DUMBO to the Upper East Side in eight minutes. Or what's behind the academic philosophy of Constance-Billard. On to the pressing issues:

8:03 No, no, no! Breakfast does not work this way on week days!...

I'm back and firmly planted on my couch, thanks to a week of free meals at Park Avenue Winter (you know what that means). Let's see what venerable New York institutions Gossip Girl can defile this week:

8:01 Nate is spending the summer with Vanessa. Backpacking in Eastern Europe....

G-Spotters, it's been too long. I've been as excited as everyone else for Gossip Girl's return. But fate is a cruel mistress - I am in a country that does not broadcast GG. I know - how is that even possible? Wouldn't America's image problems abroad be immediately solved if...

After a weekend of sports, I was fiending for my Gossip Girl fix. Let's get right into the recap:

8:03 - Blair's dad and dog are wearing matching argyle sweaters. Guess they are meeting with the Colony Club later.

8:04 - Is there another group of people on...

What better way to honor the life of MLK and the inauguration of Barack Obama than with a healthy dose of Gossip Girl. The characters on the show exhibit exactly the type of tolerance, selflessness and open-mindedness that these heroes preach. Both men talked often about the dream they had...

Will Chuck inherit billions? Will Rufus and Lily find their little Tintin? Will Constance Billard's two-day week, five-day weekend ever be acknowledged? Hopefully the answer is yes to all of these in our latest minute-by-minute minutia watch:

8:02 -- Okay, in my disgust at Jack for hooking up with, then...

French orphans. Thai hookers. Billion dollar wills. Thank goodness those age-old High School problems are back to take up our time. Here's another minute-by-minute account for you fellow devotees.

8:01 -- Serena's vacation photos -- who took them, why is she dancing with all those old men, and how...

Just because the cameramen get a vacation doesn't mean our favorite gossip girls and boys aren't up to their usual shenanigans. Thankfully, they were kind enough to send the Huffington Post holiday cards that kept us up to speed.

Blair - Dear HP, I have chosen to spend my...

Hey Spotters and Spottees, we're coming to you with a live diary of Gossip Girl. Now for a year and half, I belittled any human being soulless enough to watch this show. Then I actually watched an episode. And I realized it's not the beautiful people, absurd contrivances and utter...