We've heard the rumors. Seen glimpses. And finally it's here. So many competing clichés: If it ain't broke, don't fix it vs. you can't have too much of a good thing. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush vs. don't count your chickens before they've hatched (possibly not relevant to this...can't quite figure it out...let's just get on to the diary).
8:00 Malibu 1983!
8:02 I keep expecting young Lily to hide her pregnant belly behind a giant vase.
8:03 Whoa, dude from Weekend at Bernie's. Always welcome. Just don't play music around this guy.
8:08 Young(er) CeCe likes her gin and tonic, no tonic. Feeling a little thirsty myself, I just made a vodka soda -- sans vodka, sans bubbles. So yes...that's just a glass of water.
8:11 Looks like Porsche ponied up to sponsor this abomination.
8:14 When did Dorota start talking like Yoda?
8:15 Nate and Chuck with another extremely slow walk down the street, which they interrupt to stop and face each other. Imagine how little you'd get accomplished if you did this with your friends.
8:16 And then Chuck asks how many times they need to have "this conversation" about Blair. The answer is clear: every episode, verbatim.
8:21 Apparently the town young Lily grew up in had the diner from Saved by the Bell.
8:21 Yes dorks, I know that it's called The Maxx.
8:22 So from the looks of this, it appears that young Lily was the first white person in America to say the word "udon".
8:23 Young Lily doesn't give BJs. Considering the list she busted out a few episodes back, she must have been a prolific learner.
8:23 Alright, "Owen", you've been on screen for thirty seconds, and I'd already like to invite you to the Jack Bass/Aaron Rose memorial wing of the d-bag hall of fame. Come on down!
8:24 Watching what appears to be an eighties-era montage/music video. Glad this episode didn't stray too far into cliché.
8:28 Not gonna lie, I kind of like the 80s version of No Doubt.
8:30 For a show about party-obsessed high-schoolers, they really slipped this prom through the back door. And who the hell are those randars on the Prom Queen ballot?
8:43 Explicit coke use, a dude with the last name van der Woodsen. Flashback shaping up.
8:46 Preps vs. Punks! Flashback shaping down.
8:47 Blair owns prom. And Chuck is the biggest mensch ever.
8:52 I've never seen Gilmore Girls, but I'd guess that show is pretty similar to this episode, i.e. three generations of crazy blond women melodrama-ing each other to death. Then again, Gilmore Girls could also be about a strip club for all I know.
8:55 Okay, a little touched by Blair's last dance speech.
8:58 Where's the afterparty!
8:59 Now that this abortion is over let's be honest: experiment failed! I want more horrifying behavior from 2009's teens, not a Reese Witherspoon clone reconnecting with her cokehead sister. I will very grumpily stay spotting for one more episode and pretend this never happened.