01/20/2009 01:07 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Gossip Girl Recap: American Dreams

What better way to honor the life of MLK and the inauguration of Barack Obama than with a healthy dose of Gossip Girl. The characters on the show exhibit exactly the type of tolerance, selflessness and open-mindedness that these heroes preach. Both men talked often about the dream they had for America; well, these Gossip Girls and Guys are surely living it:

8:01 Okay, I know this has been addressed before, but that's Columbia.

8:02 Blair just mistook Dorota for a small bulldog. That must be flattering.

8:04 Jesus, that entire scene in Lily's kitchen gave me the creeps. Clearly the biggest loser in this fiasco: Eric.

8:05 Chuck had the freshman class at Brearley sleep in Jack's hotel room. That's great. Kudos to whoever thought of that.

8:08 Please, 2360 on the SATs?! Where I come from, that malarkey doesn't fly.

8:12 So Chuck legitimately doesn't attend high school anymore. And on an unrelated note, Jack's close calls with tranny hookers are starting to look suspiciously like a habit.

8:15 Oooh, I got my first scoop: A friend of mine went to middle school with the cute new teacher, and get this...she got hit in the face with the cake at her 8th grade semi-formal! Yup, that's the best I could get for now. But you heard it here first.

8:17 Blair's term for Dan and others who may not be able to afford college on their own: financial aid-iots. Well done, B.

8:20 Actually, Blair is a complete idiot. She applied to one college. I guess her safety school was the Colony Club.

8:28 Damn, I really want to know what the Nelly Yuki Project was. I hope it involved replacing all her glasses with a pair swimming goggles.

8:30 Okay, Blair making Penelope and Isabel play the devil and the angel is sickening, twisted and a little bit of a turn on.

8:32 Weirdest moment of the season: the way those three girls giggled after calling the teacher.

8:37 Jack's date at the opera...pre-op or post-op?

8:39 One thing Nate and Vanessa will definitely be able to see from their nose-bleed seats: Serena's cleavage.

8:42 Memo to GG directors: please shoot Lily from the shoulders up. She is visibly pregnant.

8:51 Rufus looks like he's walking a little uncomfortably. That'll happen after the whipping he's taken.

8:52 Jack just did some ridiculous...I don't even want to get into it. Can we just get rid of this guy? I'm sure Aaron Rose could use a pal wherever he is. And on a related note: Hell yeah, Chuck.

8:57 A quick exercise: You are a teenage billionaire playboy bad-ass who may or may not be gay, British, and an alien. Would you rather live in an apartment with your former stepmother who's banging your sworn enemy's father, or alone in a private suite at the nicest hotel in New York? Is this a difficult question?

8:58 Dan and the English teacher. Wow, I am just shocked. Shocked, I tell you. Luckily I bet on this seven seconds into the episode. And yes, my bookie was a little taken aback.

8:59 Blair is going to war, black ops style. Between my crush on Blair and my affinity for super cool military spy missions, I'd say I'll be tuning in for that.
Until then, stay spotting, San Diego.