Starbuck's Pick Up & Why You Shouldn't

Sitting in my off-site Starbuck's office this morning, just settling into a writing rhythm when a random man approached my table to ask whether he could take me out sometime.

Do I look like fast food, guy?

When I responded that I have a boyfriend, he asked whether he was a serious boyfriend. Now, I'm not saying that it isn't nice to be flattered for your physical wares, especially when the early morning sans makeup lines growing deeper by day often have me cringing at the thought of becoming more and more undesirable in terms of physical appearance as the years wear on. However, it would be nice if, prior to approaching a woman, you had at least some sort of exchange indicating that there was a connection beyond that physical reaction you just had to her rear view.

Had we made eye contact or shared one of those spontaneous awkward moments of revelation in word, deed, clutzy act, I may have been less offended. When this man not only refused to accept my 'Thank you, but I have a boyfriend' asking instead whether it was serious, it spoke volumes of his intention, his objectives and his level of respect for women in general.

The fact that a man would still want to 'take you out' after you've claimed a committed relationship means that he's probably not the best prospect for having a relationship of any kind with. In fact, it reeks of a lack of integrity. If you are the sort of person who values and respects self and other, you would find a woman's ability to turn you down under the auspices of having a boyfriend heart warming, encouraging you to believe that it is possible for people to believe in commitment and love enough to keep their promises. The fact that you even asked points to the fact that you don't believe, maybe never did.

That is just sad.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am totally flattered that this man found me attractive enough to act on the impulse to ask me out. There will surely be a day when those advances are so few and far between that I pine away for them. Today, though, I feel that it's time we all settle for more than simply superficial attraction and skin-deep beauty as the ruling factors dictating our behavior with regard to one another.

 

 

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Comments

[MerhabaAbi]

Hi Danielle,

The fellow you described seems to be the product we've been socially engineering for a generation. Over-confident, under-qualified. He doesn't have the social graces to engage in conversation with a woman he finds attractive so they can determine whether they'd even entertain seeing each other romanticly, he just bull rushes headlong into awkwardness. Then you're stuck with an unsolicited advance and have to decide how you'll deal with a boor. He seems the complement to Princess Revere My Looks.

Respectfully,
little brother

[Niasia]

Oh my goodness. Thank you thank you. I hate when men do this! And they really expect us to give in to their "persistence"? If I tell you I have a boyfriend and you continue to try and ask me out that says a lot about you and frankly I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole!

[Danielle Cavallucci - Huffpost Blogger]

Mentioning a boyfriend is hardly referencing myself as his property!

[OtayPanky]

He might just be a salesperson who believes that the sale doesn't start until the customer says no.

[unitron]

You should have just said "No, thank you. Please excuse me, I need to get back to what I'm working on".

Instead you came up with what could be interpreted as "I would go out with you, but there's an obstacle" and so he wanted to explore the possibilities of getting around that obstacle.

Hey, men are expected to solve problems.

Besides, are really sure you want to go with the "I'm someone else's property" argument?