Why, when women lie about their age, do they always drop years rather than add them?
Obvious answer: They want to pretend they are younger than they are. But since they rarely appear younger than they are, isn't this counter-productive?
I've been stewing about this because I recently turned 45. I've just hit what might be called The Lying Years. It's the age when female friends greet each other with an ill-concealed "once over." Both sets of eyes scan the other's surfaces like air force spotters seeking signs of insurgency. Did she get a neck lift? Are her eyebrows frozen?
"You look...good!"
"Thank you. So do you!"
Years, however, are much harder to conceal than cosmetic surgery. A woman who lightly drops five (or ten) years off her age, at a moment when she can physically pull it off, dooms herself forever to a fight to the knife with Time. Literally, a knife. It's one thing for a 40-year-old to pose as a 35-year-old. But a fiftyish woman trying to seem fortyish? The regimens of Botox, animal entrails, Pilates and chemical peels must inevitably give way to a surgeon's scalpel for the lie to be sustained.
But here's the rub: Rarely does a woman who undergoes a facelift look "younger." She might look "better." She might, temporarily, appear more rested or relaxed. But she's fooling no one. Who looks at a photo of, say, Madonna and exclaims, "Man what a hot 30-year-old!" You don't even say, "Wow, she looks good for her age!" You think,"Hey, she got a facelift." And even with a very good facelift, she still looks like a 50-year-old-woman with a facelift. That's not to say she's unattractive. But she's publicly entered The Lying Years.
Let me propose a more discreet way to enter this stage. Not only is it easier, but you will forever look fabulous for your age without having to resort to surgery: Instead of dropping years, add them.
In my case, I look fine for a 45-year-old. I'm a tired 40-year-old. I'm a haggard 35-year-old. But I'm an astonishing 50-year-old. Go on, check the seams: the jaw-line is pillowing slightly so no intervention there; there are crinkles at the eyes, topography on the forehead. I defy you to detect signs of insurgency.
Wow, you will say to yourself. What's her secret? What's her diet? How on earth does she do it? The truth will remain between me and the passport office.
And as time goes on, it only gets better. I'm fabulous at 55. I'm still great at 60. For fun, I might add another five years when I actually turn 60: Get a load of me at 70!
Thus my face will be allowed to age without pressure. Eventually, as Oscar Wilde warned, it will be the face I deserve. But deservedly or not, at least it will be mine.
Follow Danielle Crittenden on Twitter: www.twitter.com/dcrittenden1
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Like Delphine, when I was 48 people thought I was 32-33, but I hate to burst your bubble and hers! Sooner or later it catches up to you. For me it was like it happened overnight! All of a sudden you wake up and look at that person in the mirror and you wonder, "Who is that stranger there?" No one told me that my thick hair would start to thin, or that my eyes would start to shrink, and my lips would disappear!
I have a 19 year-old mind trapped in an over 50 body, and this body constantly reminds me that I'm not 19 any longer! LOL! Actually it's not so bad if you accept aging as gracefully as you can, and acknowledg
(I could have written more; that's why I gave you my link.)
BTW, does anyone else agree with me that they prefer the pre-nosejo
Also, why are there no redheads anymore? It seems like they all went blonde.
Give me a bignose, small breasted, natural redhead any day. Green eyes would be nice, but optional.
After witnessing the most beautiful women on the planet destroy their faces with botox and implants and collagen, until they look like a clone army with distorted lips and frozen eyebrows, I can't imagine having plastic surgery. Ladies, you look like dopes. Eventually it all fades anyway. Why not go out without donning that telltale mask of desperatio
Here's a fact. The women who are authentic, who refuse to be cogs in the Machine (which eliminates oh, about 83% of you right off), who refuse to buy the suburban gotta-have
Sorry, Ms. Crittenden
My friends with face lifts are all sick in the head. Remember how ridiculous corsets were? All those women trying for 18 each waists? Plastic surgery is much worse and very degrading to women.
You said it, sister!
Crittenden is obviously so worried about aging that she has lost any sensible perspectiv
My mother not only lied about her age, but when my sister and I approached our 40's, she insisted that we also lie about, or at least never reveal, OUR age. It was pretty embarrassi
And once the lie begins, it spreads to the grandchild
So we're having a big party!! She will have a great time and never realize that finally, her age is revealed. As for my sister and me, it's pretty hard to lie about your age when your mother turns 100 so we are very up-front about being in our 70's.