HP EXCLUSIVE: An Intercepted IM Conversation Between Bush and Blair

Kickass43: hey!

Sxybritguy10: hey

Kickass43: sup?

Sxybritguy10: nm u

Kickass43: jc. Iraq not good

Kickass43: polls not good

Kickass43: mjr babe issues

Sxybritguy10: laura?????? :-O

Kickass43: rofl no! American chicks. Dont like me anymore.

Sxbritguy10: security mums?

Kickass43: gone

Sxybritguy10: ttly?

Kickass43: ttly. not like when we were young right? Mom AWOL=good party. Today: moms AWOL=bad for party.

Sxybritguy10: :(

Kickass43: they say they dont care about security issues. like NOW they feel safe. who made them feel safe? not Kerry. kerry is an uber douche. I’m way hotter than he is man.

Sxybritguy10: You were so the better candidate

Kickass43: yeah I know. they re-elect me then they ditch me

Sxybritguy10: sux

Kickass43: wat up wit u?

Sxybritguy10: k with chicks. rock stars help. :)

Kickass43: don’t have em. xcept gene simmons. chicks dont like him. got toby keith. he rocks with reel guys. and soldiers.

Sxybritguy10: touché. need sum of dat. guys think Im gay.

Kickass43: LOL. its ur accent…

Sxybritguy10: duh. everyone speaks like that over here. and in my campaign the press got a pic of me in my speedo.

Kickass43: that sux man, its like whoa. my campaign tends to b more negative. tho rite now I NEED people to think Im gay.

Sxybritguy10: guys think its poncy to care bout africa aids global warming. they dont like that sh**

Kickass43: poncy???

Sxybritguy10: gay

Kickass43: cool. as in poncy marriage? poncy rights? I like this. poncy poncy poncy!

Sxybritguy10: :rolls eyes: dont try it

Kickass43: y r u so good with ladies?

Sxybritguy10: they think i care

Kickass43: like i dont

Sxybritguy10: they think u dont care bout wat they care bout

Kickass43: like wat

Sxybritguy10: education healthcare sos

Kickass43: thats ttl sh**

Sxybritguy10: mayb but thats wat they think. u scare them

Kickass43: they like laura

Sxybritguy10: use her more

Kickass43: duh

Sxybritguy10: so how can i get guys 2 like me?

Kickass43: lose the accent

Sxybritguy10: seriously

Kickass43: hang with me at the prom

Sxybritguy10: u mean at gleneagle? the G8????

Kickass43: lets go shoot whatever u shoot there. foxes right? u guys r sick bastards. u cant even eat fox

Sxybritguy10: foxes r illegal now. its grouse

Kickass43: k. whatever. and make fun of the french guys. what ttl losers. They r so lame. They r like—wat wuz that word

Sxybritguy10: try poncy

Kickass43: they carry handbags. end of story.

Kickass43: so wanna chill at G8?

Sxybritguy10: er gotta hang with geldof.

Kickass43: ?

Sxybritguy10: rock star africa aids global warming sos

Kickass43: do girls like him?

Sxybritguy10: sort of

Kickass43: so lets hang 2gether bud!

Sxybritguy10: g2g

Kickass43: hey

Kickass43: hey

Kickass43: hey

Kickass43: u there???? hello? thats it. we’re nukeing you…

Kickass43: jk, ilu buddy. u do kno that right?

--with thanks to Mandy Frum, my in-house IM linguist :)