From: President George W. Bush
Date: November 28, 2005 8:37:50 PM EST
To: Bar & Poppy
hi ma and pops
just wanted to thank you again for coming to Crawford for thanksgiving. I know pop that you’d wanted to spend the holiday in florida with jeb but I appreciate that you came to us. Also appreciated your views on how jeb would be handling things right now vis a vis iraq although I still think a war a little different from a hurricane. I’m sorry we couldn’t invite your pal bill to join us but he was busy with his family up in new york. Besides we would’ve had to invite hillary and chelsea and you know how they get along with laura and the girls. And for sure jenna didn’t need any extra pressure on her with all of us lookin over her boyfriend henry like he was some prize pig. I like the guy—laura and i think he’s settled her down a bit—and glad you both seemed to like him too. And ma I really wouldn’t worry too much about jenna’s weight. I know you think she’s touchy on the subject but she really was embarrassed when you warned her about seconds on the yams right in front of henry. That’s why she was so silent—she wasn’t hungover or anything. Not that she doesn’t appreciate your wisdom and advice. We all do. Barbara was just feeling sick when she got up from the table. A cold or something had been coming on all day. It had nothing to do with you telling her to giddy up on the man front or she’d be left behind jenna. Ditto for laura. No one was offended when you asked where were her jewish guests this year. She’s been stressed out lately and I think she needed to lie down for the rest of the afternoon. She hardly ever eats dessert, and you said yourself the chef didn’t make your special Texan pecan pie recipe right. Anyway it was great to see you guys and i hope we’ll all be able to do it again at xmas, if you don’t decide to go to florida.
The user "Ladeezman42" has sent you an Instant Message. Do you want to accept it?
LadeezMan42: whoa jus back from cellblock chappaqua
LadeezMan42: u still recoverin from operation turkey?
Kickass43: amen bro
Kickass43: shudda gone to bagdad 2 hang wid the troops
Kickass43: wd rather face insurjnts than my ma
Kickass43: man wuz she pissd
LadeezMan42: y wuz she so pissd??
Kickass43: u kno
Kickass43: she’s wrryd bout everything
Kickass43: sez she’s seen “this” all b4
Kickass43: “this” being a bush dude’s popularity tankin
Kickass43: rite after a gulf war
Kickass43: Katrina didn’t help
Kickass43: she took sum hits from blak folks
LadeezMan42: I’ll say
LadeezMan42: wuz wettin my pants after wat she sed
LadeezMan42: wat wuz it
LadeezMan42: "since they wuz poor anyway the astrodome wuz workin well for em"
Kickass43: u laff dude
Kickass43: I wuz ready to give cindy Sheehan sum company
LadeezMan42: jus leg pullin u kid
LadeezMan42: cdnt hav been worse than mine
LadeezMan42: let me tell u
LadeezMan42: billy boyz in a bad way
LadeezMan42: wen the only thing gettin stuffd is the turkey
LadeezMan42: I had PLANS
Kickass43: I kno
Kickass43: u wantd 2 hang wit my ol man
Kickass43: he tol me
LadeezMan42: uh ok
LadeezMan42: him 2
LadeezMan42: but I had othr plans
LadeezMan42: rlly ttlly hot plans
LadeezMan42: I’m like getting off the flight from dubai rite
Kickass43: uh huh
LadeezMan42: my cellfone rings
LadeezMan42: its a bud of mine at my agency
LadeezMan42: they’ve lined up dinner wed nite
LadeezMan42: wit sum“new faces” 4 ’06
Kickass43: y wd yr agency do that
LadeezMan42: its ther way of sayin thank u
LadeezMan42: 4 all the dough ive ben rackin up
LadeezMan42: im sposed to give these hot chicks “career advice”
LadeezMan42: like how 2 become interns
LadeezMan42: so im whistlin as I walk 2 my car
LadeezMan42: shakin hands wit every1
LadeezMan42: fone rings again
LadeezMan42: guess wat
LadeezMan42: its hillary telling me I gotta get my ass out 2 chappaqua rite away
LadeezMan42: cuz shes havin people 4 thanksgiving!!!
Kickass43: y didn’t u jus go out thurs morn
LadeezMan42: wait it gets wrse
LadeezMan42: cuz that’s wat I sez rite
LadeezMan42: “so sry hony gotta meetin on wed yadda yadda”
LadeezMan42: she’s like u gotta meetin wed NITE??
LadeezMan42: & I’m like no its wed AFT but its gonna run late
LadeezMan42: & I don’t wanna travel wed nite
LadeezMan42: so she’s like ok fine we’ll meet u in town
Kickass43: whos “we”
LadeezMan42: turns out she’s ben hangin wit ELLEN DEGENERES
Kickass43: ellen degenerate?!?!
LadeezMan42: gets WRSE
LadeezMan42: theyr goin to a special showin of “the vagina monologues”
LadeezMan42: raisn money for sum chicks shelter or shit like that
Kickass43: did u go????
LadeezMan42: hell no
LadeezMan42: I sed I had enuff talkin pussy
LadeezMan42: don’t need no mor talkin pussy
LadeezMan42: talkin pussy jus gets me into trbl
Kickass43: no way
Kickass43: u sed that?!
LadeezMan42: wuz leg pullin agen
LadeezMan42: I aint on no suicide mission
LadeezMan42: despite the promise of 72 virgins
LadeezMan42: and like y is it 72?
LadeezMan42: y not 37—or 105?
Kickass43: so wat DID u do
LadeezMan42: skedded the models in 4 lunch
LadeezMan42: then left early 4 chappaqua
LadeezMan42: spent the nite “alone”
LadeezMan42: hil and ell came out thurs morn
Kickass43: man that’s sum thanksgiving
Kickass43: i jus watched dallas lose
Kickass43: & my ma explode
LadeezMan42: the rest wuznt so hot
LadeezMan42: playd like 100 rounds of “balderdash” wit Chelsea
LadeezMan42: alwys cream her
Kickass43: yeh u da balderdash master
Kickass43: im jus glad 2 be bak in dc
Kickass43: don’t seem so bad now
Kickass43: compard to hangin wit family
LadeezMan42: btw i had anudder idea 4 u
LadeezMan42: did u hear that dude feingold ovr the weekend?
Kickass43: dat cheesehead wannabe
Kickass43: who wants us to cut & run from iraq
LadeezMan42: he's running for prez
Kickass43: who isnt
LadeezMan42: yeh but he's gonna be rlly rlly anti-war
Kickass43: double duh
LadeezMan42: he's gonna need yr help makin him the candidate
LadeezMan42: listen--you act scared of this guy
LadeezMan42: get wonderboy 2 say sumpin like
LadeezMan42: "He's the one dude who cd beat us in '08"
LadeezMan42: giv im some momentum
LadeezMan42: & Hillary is O-U-T
Kickass43: i git it
Kickass43: will think bout it
LadeezMan42: u do that
Kickass43: wanna hear our campaign song for '06?
Kickass43: ive downloaded it 2 my ipod
Kickass43: click here
Kickass43: finishin an email 2 my rents
LadeezMan42: k bye
"LadeezMan42" signed off at 9:17:21 PM.
Anyway it was great to see you guys and i hope we’ll all be able to do it again at xmas, if you don’t decide to go to florida. And hey pops, maybe Bill will be free for some of the holiday. I understand he gets kind of squirrely up in Westchester.
The Secret Presidential IMS appears here every Tuesday.