TRUMP! THE MUSICAL

NEWS ITEM: Donald Trump is developing a musical for Broadway based on his hit show, “The Apprentice.”

ACT ONE, SCENE ONE.

The curtain rises on the base of a gold skyscraper in midtown Manhattan at night. Cabs dock and depart in front of the building’s main entrance. Then, as the intro of the show’s opening number begins to play, sleekly suited young men and women begin to emerge through the entrance, pulling rolling Samsonites. Once on the sidewalk, they join in a Fosse-style choreographed dance, interweaving with their suitcases, singing in chorus:

ALL
Where does a show go
When it’s tired
Where does a show go
When its contestants get fired?

PASSERBY
To Broadway?

ALL
To Broadway!

YOUNG MAN
Hey, I’m not tired!

ALL
You’re fired!

YOUNG MAN
Who cares? Let’s retire this shoooooow!

ALL
Times Square’s been revived
To keep dead shows alive
From old movies and reruns
To TV hits of last season.

YOUNG WOMAN
I’ve played Nala, I’ve played Belle
Now I’m the team leader from hell!

ALL
We all get a second chance
To put more money in Donald’s pants
We’ll entertain the crowds from Jersey
While theater critics beg for mercy.

POMPOUS CRITIC WEARING PINCE-NEZ
What is Broadway coming to
But another attraction, like Central Park zoo?
Have all good playwrights up and died
Or did they commit suicide
When it was proven that a Disney cartoon
Could outperform Brigadoon?

ALL
There is an afterlife for every spent idea
Washed up shows should have no fe-ah
Even Monty Python’s here.

Suddenly there is a bolt of lightening and the dancers freeze. Paula, Simon and Randy from American Idol appear center stage in a puff of smoke.

PAULA, SIMON AND RANDY
And that’s not all!
We’ll see you here next fall
For the best of the best
When "Idol!" opens with Ryan Seacrest!