THE BLOG
06/19/2013 01:53 pm ET | Updated Aug 19, 2013

Ten Places Moms Wish They Could Bring a Flask

1. Toddler soccer games. Though, this could make for a hilarious drinking game opportunity. Every time a kid watches a ball roll right past him because he's climbing on the goalie net their parent has to drink.

2. PTA Meetings with mothers who come dressed in Prada and Gucci. There should be a rule that all items of clothing need to have spit up stains or a Goldfish cracker stuck on them somewhere.

3. Chuck E. Cheese for any aged birthday party. If we can't bring a flask, at least provide us with ear plugs. And maybe ear plugs that have a straw that could be connected to a flask...

4. Dinner for husband's work with unrecognizable vocabulary and acronyms being used. It would be amazing to stash the flask in your purse for when your husband's boss asks you your opinion on the ABGJ converter and its level of Accenture.

5. Dentist appointments where your child needs a tooth pulled. Instead of a flask, perhaps the dentists could start sharing that happy gas?

6. Parent-Teacher conferences when you secretly loathe the teacher. These would be far easier if I could give the teacher his or her own flask as well. I'm guessing we would get along swimmingly after that.

7. Dance recitals. No explanation needed.

8. Talking to overeager neighbors when taking out the trash. Why do we all live near these people? Is the ratio for every three normal neighbors there must be one that wants to tell you what they ate for lunch and if they pooped yet today?

9. Any place where we have to play with Barbies or Thomas The Tank Engine trains. I rue the day that Barbie ever met Ken, or Thomas decided that he needed to teach the world life lessons. Couldn't you two just be a doll and a boring train?

10. Watching Yo Gabba Gabba. Actually, this show seems more appropriate for pot smokers rather than moms with flasks. However, I'll take whatever I can get to try to figure out the insanity of this show. And moms hate the fact that DJ Lance looks better in an orange jumpsuit that any of us ever could.