08/19/2013 10:11 am ET Updated Oct 19, 2013

The 5 Types of Moms at the Children's Museum

While at our local children's museum this morning, I took notice of the other moms around me and quickly realized that we all fit into one of the five categories of moms.

1. The Cell Phone Mom: The one who never gets off her cell phone and looks confused when she looks up and can't find her children. What she doesn't realize is that they are already downstairs painting inappropriate images of their body parts on their face and arm.

2. The Loud Screaming Mom: The one who says "Johnny" in the loudest voice known to man. And you know that "Johnny" is in a butt load of trouble later that includes being called words that are only heard on The Jerry Springer Show.

3. The Backpack Mom: The one who is overly prepared. She's got the wipes, sippy cups, snacks, hand sanitizer, more snacks, and probably even a change of clothes in that sack on her back. She also is now slightly humpback and probably will need a walker in about 10 years. Though, she'll probably have orange slices in a nice clean ziploc bag hanging from her walker, in case of a snack emergency.

4. The Trashy Mom: She's the one wearing the cut off jean shorts that show her underwear and a pink bra under her way too low white t-shirt. She's the one who might actually be ON The Jerry Springer Show someday.

5. The Ponytail and Sweats Mom: This is me. The mom who doesn't dress up to roll around on the ground with her children or iron things that will only get ruined when she squishes herself inside those tiny, little playhouses. She's also the one who might not remember her last shower. And she's definitely not wearing a pink lacy bra to a children's museum. Damn, she barely wears one of those when she is trying to get pregnant. And once those babies are made and birthed, that bra goes to the back of the drawer where it belongs.

However, no matter what type of mom you are, if you are at a jam-packed children's museum with your kids, we all have that same look. The look of please, oh please, can one of those perky teenagers who work here bring me a cocktail in a sippy cup immediately...