THE BLOG

Sometimes You Don't Need a Planner

06/05/2015 04:58 pm ET | Updated Jun 05, 2016

This blog probably seems odd to be written by a planner, but hear me out. Not everyone should hire a planner. That's not to say that everyone doesn't need a planner, but for those people that cannot get out of their own way, a planner might not be for you.

I admit to being an OCD control freak. It's pretty much my way or no way at all. This is why I didn't hire a planner. Short of cloning myself, there was no one that I was going to trust with the most important day of my life. And that's OK. It's OK to be psycho crazy about your wedding. If you're normally all about the details and believe that if you want something done right, you better do it yourself, then a planner might not be for you.

Over the years I have run into these brides and grooms, the ones that think they know best and that no professional could possibly be the answer to their prayers. I end up working with these couples and wonder why they have hired me to plan their wedding day. They want what they want and, more importantly, are only willing to get what they want, their way.

There is no suggestion you can make, unless it coincides with their own, that they will deem acceptable. No matter how brilliant the idea is, the planner will be met with "Ok, what else you got?"

"What else I got?" Yes, this is a question I have received and it's like, well, what else do you want?

That's the whole joke too. These people want you to suggest everything, but nothing you suggest is ever going to be good enough. It's like you're supposed to be Madam Cleo and figure out what they want.

Planners are not mind readers. We can plan your day based on what you like and what you don't like. But if you don't help us out, then nothing we create is going to be what you want to see. Help us. Give us pictures. Share your thoughts and ideas. These things are helpful.

But back to the brides and grooms that just don't want to hear anything we have to say. Why did you hire a planner? Seriously. Ask yourself that question. Because if you cannot come up with a legitimate answer, then you are wasting your money. I have worked with brides that would ask my opinion and if I said "black", and they wanted to hear "white", it was an issue. Then there always came the point where I said to my clients to do whatever they wanted to do. My opinion (I knew) meant nothing, and they really didn't want me to do anything other than agree with them.

And here's the thing, a good planner, is not going to agree with your bad ideas. Oh, you want to swoop in on a pterodactyl for your grand entrance and you want to know if I think your dress might get wrecked? But when I say "absolutely it will get wrecked, hello, pterodactyl!!!!" you get mad because that's not what you wanted to hear.

You know why we don't want you to make these tragic mistakes? Because we've seen everything. There are some of the most ridiculous warning labels out there like "don't eat this" on silica gel. Well, duh, don't eat it. Why do they have to say that? Because some idiot probably ate it. We are giving you warning labels because we have seen what can and will happen when stupid decisions are made. What happened when someone drank hot coffee that was marked "caution: hot"? She got burned, and then she sued.

Basically, we, as planners, don't want you suing us or writing bad reviews because we let you do whatever you wanted. When we say that something is a bad idea, or make a suggestion, we aren't trying to ruin your life and destroy your vision. We're trying to make it so that your wedding is beautiful and you aren't in tears because some prehistoric bird ate your gown.

Other things that aren't helpful? "I went to a wedding and my friend only spent....". STOP. Everyone lies about what they spend on a wedding. Some go higher, some lower, but without looking at the contracts, I don't care if you're besties with them and pinky swore to tell each other the cost of the weddings you're planning. She is lying to you and you are lying to her. Liars. Both of you. Pants ablaze.

What you do not do, is you do not go back to your planner with this information. When a planner hears that so and so said it can be done for much less, you are basically telling the planner that they know nothing and need to look into this. I've done this for clients before and 100% of the time they've been wrong on the numbers. Basically, the result was that I wasted a bunch of time to say "I told you so". It's not worth it.

The moral of the story is that if you want to plan your own wedding, then plan your own wedding. No one is judging you, and you're the only person that can figure out if you need a planner and will be able to work with one. Not everyone can work with a planner, and that's OK too.

Just use the pterodactyl for your trash the dress session instead of your entrance. Ok?