THE BLOG

Stop Being Such a Good Girl (Or Boy)

02/05/2015 04:22 pm ET | Updated Apr 07, 2015
Carlo A via Getty Images

Disclaimer: I'm a woman, a mom and a recovering good girl. This was written for all you other good girls. If you're a good boy, then I'm sure you'll find this worth the read too. If not, send it on to all the good girls in your life.

You know that feeling you get when you really don't want to do something, but you do it anyway because you don't want to buck the system or have someone question why you're changing?

Sometimes it may be easier to be the good girl. The one everyone can rely on, the one that does everything that's expected. The girl that quietly has other dreams for her life but doesn't share them because she doesn't want to impose, or throw her life out of sync.

Now, I'm not talking about shirking responsibilities.

I'm talking about letting life tell you how you should be and you going along with it because, well, you're "good."

Beneath the good girl you are courageous and have big dreams and don't like to be treated badly and want to be recognized and not taken for granted.

The world doesn't need anymore good girls. The world needs girls who aren't scared to get shit done that means something to them.

Five ways to unleash your inner spice and get rid of the overly nice:

1. Stop waiting for the approval of others to fuel your confidence.
You got this, you're capable and yet you still wait for others to tell you that you can do it. Build your confidence from within. Affirmations work. You may not believe them at first, but edge into them. Even telling yourself "I love you" is a huge first step to appreciating the life you've been given. A few other affirmations that work: I am capable. I am strong. I am worthy. Replace your negative self-talk with these powerful words. Let words of appreciation and affirmations be the first that cross your mind in the morning and before you go to bed.

2. Question your motives.
What keeps you doing things you don't want to do? If you find yourself doing things that aren't meaningful to you, like volunteering at your kids' school, but do them anyway because you don't want to let anyone down, make sure you're not letting yourself down. Volunteering is a great way to connect, but if it's not lighting a fire for you, consider going somewhere else. Lining up with your unique talents and gifts sometimes means you have to say 'no' to some requests that come your way. You're allowed to do things that feel good to you. It doesn't have to be so one-sided.

3. It's not always about them.
Being the best caretaker, mom, dad or friend doesn't mean it's always about putting them first. The nice girl will live her life for others then wake up one day and wonder where her life went. If it fuels you (and you can tell if you feel awake and alive vs. tired and sluggish) then do it. Otherwise, it's time to let some of it go. Make arrangements for help and then use that free time for things that do make you feel alive.

4. Discover what you love.
After spending so much time assuring others are happy and healthy, you may find it difficult to pinpoint what you love to do. Instead of getting frustrated about the disconnection, be mindful of it. Pay attention to what you do love and say it. I love fresh cut flowers in my house all the time. So I make sure they are always around. At first it may seem inconsequential and small, but when we listen and act on the small things, the bigger things become more in focus, and voila, you will discover what you love.

5. Leave no room for guilt.
Nasty, icky, low-lying guilt. It can devastate the mightiest of dreams if we let it. Key phrase if we let it. When we live in guilt, there's no room for love. As lofty as it sounds, it's true. When the slimy ick of guilt starts to creep in, question it. Where is the guilt coming from? If you've just stolen the purse off an old lady walking down the street, then yes, the guilt should permeate your inner being. But chances are, this isn't you.

Chances are you feel guilty because you didn't sign up to be room mom for your kid's class at school. You feel guilty because you have this skewed image of what the perfect mom looks like, and for a moment, you weren't it. This is where guilt only has power if you let it. Don't give it power. Instead give your choice power. You choose to do something for you. Now that's love.

Being the nice girl isn't fun. It's time to be bad. Maybe now you even want to be a little naughty. Oh yes, be naughty. Don't wear designer yoga clothes to yoga class. If you do, wear them consecutively so you can be naughty and dirty. Say how you really feel. Dress up. Don't allow negativity into your life. Respect your boundaries and insist others do too. Buy yourself flowers. Say no to others when it doesn't feel right and yes to you.

Be a bad girl and love you first.