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Obamacare Kills Jobs, Creates Zombies

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Walking dead opt for high deductible with dental

WASHINGTON - Thanks to the magic of Fox News, many Americans have never needed facts nor reason to know with utter certainty that Obamacare is the work of Satan. But with the walking dead now terrorizing our cities, the smugly ignorant may be entitled to a victory lap.

A recent nationwide study of 75 hospitals across the country by Primafacie University reveals that Obamacare has been saving lives. And that's bad.

With no more exclusion for preexisting conditions, exchanges delivering affordable premiums and expansion of medicaid in some states, people are going to doctors when sick rather than waiting until they are nearly dead.

The results are catastrophic. Thousand of people who should be on slabs in a morgue are walking our streets. Worse still, they are going to work in the morning.

That means they are competing with the living for good paying jobs, rather than moldering in their graves as unfettered capitalism intended.

"Plus, these poor people who should be dead are taking fewer sick days for themselves and their children. That means they are less likely to get fired," said Colleen Rhesus of Colorado Springs.

"Pretty soon they'll be finding better jobs, joining the middle class, eating seafood -- maybe king crab! Then what?"

Speaker of the House, John Boehner, has introduced legislation to defund vaccinations for children, with the hope that higher mortality rates among the young can offset this dire yet predictable consequence of Obama's scheme.

"If these youngsters can die before they're of working age, we can keep them out of the labor market and preserve the plutocratic dystopia we've worked so hard to create," said Boehner.