Signature legislation a complete failure
WASHINGTON - Pundits across the country and across party lines agree that the president's signature legislation is a total failure. There is now widespread consensus that he will be forever known as the worst president in the history of the United States.
Severe glitches in the roll-out of the new program created many inconvenience and unanticipated problems that needed to be solved.
Some wonder how any potential upside can justify the short term disruptions caused by the president's bold initiative.
The botched roll-out led one business leader to say, "the status quo may not have been perfect, but was it really that bad? This radical, unprecedented and un-American legislation is just plain bad for business. I say repeal it now!"
But the beleaguered president defended his plan, known officially as the 13th Amendment, which outlaws slavery in every state of the union.
"When you shift significant chunks of the national economy, things will not run smoothly. There are going to be adjustments," said President Lincoln, apparently referring to the Civil War. "But as I said, you can keep your existing industry."
According to analysts in the Southern states, however, cotton farming without slave labor produces lower profit margins and creates a surprising need for plantation owners to work during the workweek.
The has led to widespread allegations that president misled the public, a misstep far more significant than merely protecting the lives of all citizens.
"This President Lincoln will be remembered as the failed president who botched the roll-out -- if he is even remembered at all," offered Senator Stephen Douglas. "Now, Fillmore. There was a president!"