Dave Astor has written the "Montclairvoyant" column for The Montclair (N.J.)
Times since 2003. The weekly topical humor feature has helped the Times win
three New Jersey Press Association awards for top editorial section. Astor
was also a longtime writer/editor at Editor & Publisher, where he covered
newspaper columnists and cartoonists for E&P's magazine and Web site.

Blog Entries by Dave Astor

Obama to Join the Republican Party?

8 Comments | Posted September 9, 2009 | 10:10 AM (EST)


Barack Obama has tried to make the GOP happy. He appointed Republicans to high posts, expanded the U.S. presence in Afghanistan, never pushed for a single-payer health plan, helped greedy financial institutions more than the unemployed, waffled on gay rights, offered tax deductions for pet elephants, etc. By now, Obama...

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Robert Novak and the Hypocrisy of Many Media People

Posted August 19, 2009 | 09:12 AM (EST)


Robert Novak liked to think of himself as a tough journalist -- "The Prince of Darkness" and all that. But like a lot of "tough" journalists, he wasn't so tough when things got tough for him personally.

When I was working for a journalism magazine, I wrote a March 2003...

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Dumb Is the New Smart

2 Comments | Posted August 18, 2009 | 10:40 AM (EST)


To paraphrase Bill Clinton, "It's the simplicity, stupid!"

One reason why extremist Republicans have way more clout than their numbers deserve is that they keep it simple: "death panels," "Obama is a socialist," "Obama hates white people," etc. Actually, many GOPers keep it simple and stupid -- given that our...

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Obama's Public Option: Caving to Conservatives

2 Comments | Posted August 17, 2009 | 10:27 AM (EST)


Maybe President Obama should have visited a Martha's Vineyard beach earlier this summer to learn how to draw a line in the sand. Because if the news reports are true that he might drop a much-needed public option for health insurance, his administration may drown in Democratic wimpiness.

After all,...

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A GOPeevish Top-10 List

3 Comments | Posted August 6, 2009 | 09:41 AM (EST)


Supposedly marginalized Republicans are still influencing public policy in a bad way, so they've become emboldened to compile a top-10 list of bad bills to pass if they return to power. As with most things the GOP does, these bills were suggested by Republicans so far to the right that...

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Trading in Republicans via 'Cash for Clunkers'

14 Comments | Posted August 3, 2009 | 10:22 AM (EST)


At first, I didn't think the "Cash for Clunkers" program was for me. My car is fuel-efficient, and I don't expect it to break down until five nanoseconds after its warranty runs out.

But I needed the money during this Great Recession, so I had to figure out how...

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Why Cats Are Abandoning Obama

7 Comments | Posted July 15, 2009 | 05:42 AM (EST)


Many independent voters are reconsidering their support of Barack Obama. Cats don't vote (because most are younger than 18), but they're as independent as you can get. And they're abandoning the president, too.

One reason felines have become disenchanted with Obama is the First Family's new Portuguese water dog. Cats...

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California Theming On Such a Summer's Day

4 Comments | Posted July 8, 2009 | 08:24 AM (EST)


I'm a New Jersey resident who recently returned from a conference in California, and I'm here to report some surprising similarities and differences between the two ends of the United States.

-- When you look south while on the East Coast, the Atlantic Ocean is to your left. When you...

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This Blog Post Is Even Weirder Than Michael Jackson

9 Comments | Posted July 1, 2009 | 01:44 PM (EST)


Buddy Holly, Patsy Cline, Sam Cooke, Brian Jones, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Elvis Presley, Keith Moon, Sid Vicious, John Lennon, Bob Marley, Marvin Gaye, Freddie Mercury, Kurt Cobain, Selena, Jerry Garcia, Joe Strummer, and now Michael Jackson. They are among the musical legends who prematurely entered the great...

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Be an Ex-President Without Being President First!

6 Comments | Posted June 17, 2009 | 08:06 AM (EST)


Former presidents sure do well! Bill Clinton and George W. Bush reportedly raked in $150,000 apiece for their recent joint appearance in Canada. Earlier this year, Bush reportedly got $7 million for a memoir Tolstoy might have titled War and War.

All this money for ex-leaders of the free...

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A Preposterous Pre-Digital Primer

2 Comments | Posted June 10, 2009 | 08:32 AM (EST)


I'm a bit older than some of the fine humorists who post posts on The Huffington Post, so I'm occasionally asked, "What was it like before the Internets?" Suddenly, I'm transported back to the 1970s, when a laptop weighed 5,000 pounds and "going viral" made today's swine-flu problem seem like...

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Abraham Lincoln's Vegetarian Address

7 Comments | Posted June 4, 2009 | 08:21 AM (EST)


"Four score and seven meals ago my conscience brought forth to the anti-rebel north a new diet conceived in kindness and dedicated to the proposition that all animals are created equal.

"Now I am engaged in a civil anti-meat war, ingesting dishes that often contain tasty tofu and tempeh. We...

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Five More Deferments for Dick Cheney!

8 Comments | Posted May 28, 2009 | 08:27 AM (EST)


This week's news has been dominated by things like President Obama's good Supreme Court pick and California's not-good ruling against gay marriage. So why am I thinking about the good-for-nothing Dick Cheney?

I guess the ex-veep's hypocrisy sticks in my mind. Cheney has cultivated a tough-guy image as he backs...

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Bevy of "Bushisms" for Backtracking Barack

4 Comments | Posted May 18, 2009 | 03:12 PM (EST)


George W. Bush said: "I'm the decider, and I decide what is best."

Barack Obama says: "I'm the decider, and I decide what is best to undecide from what I previously decided."

Obama is obviously much better than Bush, but he's acting like his predecessor in some ways. Recent examples,...

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A Mindless Meld of "Star Trek" and the New Unemployment Rate

4 Comments | Posted May 11, 2009 | 08:58 AM (EST)


The U.S. Labor Department announced Friday that 539,000 people lost their jobs last month -- a dreadful total, but not as high as the 600,000-plus axed in March. Here are three reasons why the unemployment increase got slightly less awful:

1. With the Star Trek movie opening nationwide on Friday,...

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The Audacity of Souter's Successor

Posted May 3, 2009 | 08:26 AM (EST)


I want a woman to replace David Souter on the Supreme Court, but that might not happen. The reason? YouTube sensation Susan Boyle is Scottish. Actually, that's not the reason.

There are many American women qualified to succeed Souter on the way-too-male court, but Barack Obama has his eye on...

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How to Fill Yankee Stadium's Pricey Empty Seats

4 Comments | Posted April 27, 2009 | 07:23 AM (EST)


Earlier this month, I blasted the New York Yankees for making many tickets in their new stadium too expensive for the average fan. Since then, quite a few of these pricey seats -- which sell for up to $2,625 a pop, with no discount for mom -- have remained...

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Waterboarding Leads to this Tortured Blog Post!

Posted April 22, 2009 | 07:53 AM (EST)


Little Timmy was in trouble. He had swiped a candy bar from Mr. Bob's corner grocery store, and now his parents knew about it. The dreaded "time out" was imminent. As his Obama-supporting parents eyed him sternly, Timmy blurted out: "I also waterboarded Mr. Bob yesterday!" His parents were thwarted....

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'Columnists Day': An Antidote for April Angst

Posted April 17, 2009 | 03:39 PM (EST)


"April is the cruelest month" for holidays. You have the silly "April Fools' Day" and the excruciating "File Your Taxes By April 15 Unless You're Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner Day." But I'm here to tell you about a GREAT April holiday: National Columnists Day (NCD).

I'm not joking about the...

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The Bright Side of Unemployment Hell

Posted April 15, 2009 | 08:11 AM (EST)


Last Halloween, I joined millions of other Americans in donning the costume of the unemployed. I had been at the same job since 1983, meaning I pecked out cover letters on a typewriter the last time I went trick-or-treating for work.

(What's a "typewriter"? A contraption that left its assemblers...

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