A Mindless Meld of "Star Trek" and the New Unemployment Rate

The U.S. Labor Department announced Friday that 539,000 people lost their jobs last month -- a dreadful total, but not as high as the 600,000-plus axed in March. Here are three reasons why the unemployment increase got slightly less awful:

1. With the Star Trek movie opening nationwide on Friday, several thousand people found jobs impersonating Captain Kirk, Captain Picard, Captain Sisko, Captain Janeway, Captain Archer, and Captain Crunch (renamed Captain Crunched after a Starfleet accident). If you're wondering why the unemployment rate in April was affected by impersonator jobs in May, I have six words for you: "Rift in the space-time continuum"!

2. The release of the film sent me scrambling to find my rotting 1987-1994 videotapes of Star Trek: The Next Generation, my favorite Trek series. I set my TV remote on "stun" to watch all 178 episodes in one day -- which created dozens of jobs for snack-makers, eye doctors, and divorce lawyers. If you're wondering how I watched all 178 episodes in one day, don't forget the transcendent "Inner Light" episode in which Captain Picard lived an entire life in a few minutes.

3. Mr. Spock "died" at the end of Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan in 1982. Dr. Spock died in 1998. Last month, most of America's undertakers gathered to discuss the demise of the half Vulcan and the full Baby and Child Care guy, creating hundreds of jobs for employees in the hospitality industry. If you're wondering why the undertakers waited 11 years to hold their confab, here's my response: "Dammit, Jim, I'm a blogger, not a psychologist!"

In conclusion, I'm waiting for there to be a month in which NO jobs are lost. Memo to Captain Obama: "Make it so."

Comments

[Dave Astor - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi MugRuith1,
Thanks for your interesting comments, and for your droll asterisk! I did have an internal debate about whether "rift in the space-time continuum" was five or six words, but went with six because it was closer to "Seven of Nine."*
Best wishes, Dave
*Character on "Star Trek: Voyager."

[MugRuith1]

Howdy, Dave!

-- I did have an internal debate about whether "rift in the space-time continuum" was five or six words, but went with six because it was closer to "Seven of Nine." --

Given the theme of your blog post, I find it ironic the bodacious Borgling Seven of Nine is currently unemployed, as are One of Nine, Two of Nine, Three of Nine, Four of Nine, Five of Nine, Six of Nine, and Eight of Nine. (Nine of Nine reportedly has a greenskeeping gig at the Ocean Acres Country Club in Manahawkin, N.J.)

Meanwhile, please be advised I will be hitting the "Restart" button on the space-time continuum here and now, here and now, here and now . . .

Resistance is futile.

MugLocutusOfBorgRuith1

[Dave Astor - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi MugRuith1,

I can tell "Star Trek" and humor are two of your many areas of expertise! I hope "Nine of Nine" eventually gets promoted to "Eighteen of Eighteen," and pairs with Tiger Woods for a round of photon-torpedo golf.

I also hope you "live long and prosper" (the second part of that phrase may not apply to unemployed people).

Best wishes, Dave

[MugRuith1]

Howdy, Mr. Astor!

-- I have six words for you: "Rift in the space-time continuum"! --

You know, my droogie Stephen Hawking -- not THE Stephen Hawking but A Stephen Hawking -- and I have argued this point for years: Stephen says "space-time" is two hyphenated words denoting a system of one temporal and three spatial coordinates by which any physical object or event can be located; I say "space-time" is one hyphenated word denoting the whole or a portion of physical reality determinable by a usually four-dimensional coordinate system.

You be the judge: One word? Or two words?*

MugTheKlingonBloodWinoRuith1

*In case of an incorrect judgment, please be advised I may have to hit the "Restart" button on the space-time continuum. Apologies in advance for any inconvenience . . .