Last Halloween, I joined millions of other Americans in donning the costume of the unemployed. I had been at the same job since 1983, meaning I pecked out cover letters on a typewriter the last time I went trick-or-treating for work.
(What's a "typewriter"? A contraption that left its assemblers unemployed after the personal-computer revolution. Their parting gift: the typewriter keys "F," "I," "R," "E," "D.")
It was hard not having a full-time job for the first time in my life (I worked only part-time as a toddler). But there were some positive aspects to being the victim of a cost-cutting layoff -- such as getting many sympathetic e-mails, spending more time with my cat, and, during a walk to the mailbox, seeing neighborhood dogs who were also unemployed but who nonetheless remained upbeat.
(What's a "mailbox"? People who communicate only by electronic means can find out by loading an envelope, affixing a stamp to it, and strolling to that blue metal thing on a street corner. There, they'll stand paralyzed while wondering where the "send" button is.)
Several other out-of-work perks: Having extra empty boxes from when I shipped stuff home from the office, not hearing cell-phone blather while trying to read a novel on the commuter train, and not having a blood-pressure improvement negated by frantically rushing to work after a doctor appointment.
(What's a "doctor"? Someone many laid-off workers can't afford to see unless they watch House on free TV.)
Still other advantages to being out of work: Shopping on a weekday in an uncrowded supermarket, listening to sports radio during lunch, and building character by not taking antidepressants to numb the fear that my wife's salary won't keep both of us afloat much longer.
(What's "character"? It's something that financial titans lacked when their disgusting greed filled our country with the post-Halloween ghosts of deceased jobs. Government leaders also show little character when they bail out those reckless titans more than they help laid-off saps like me who didn't cause the economic meltdown.)
One final perk: Unemployment gave me the time to write this not-TOO-bitter piece about unemployment.
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If you're a jobless Huffington Post reader, is there anything positive about being out of work? Or is it all negative? I'll see your comments below unless my glasses get laid off.