Last night I watched The Birds, the popular Alfred Hitchcock film in which a bunch of birds are total dicks to every human in sight for no apparent reason other than the fact that they are birds and they have been putting up with people's bullshit for way too long...

Dear Hugh Jackman,

Mondays -- am I right? Do not even get me started on this topic. Before I go getting all whiny about things though, first things first -- how are you? Awesome, I bet. After all, you are Hugh Jackman. I imagine "awesome" is pretty much the default...

Yesterday, I went shopping at my local grocery/deli type store on the corner and saw this little kitty cat shopping at the same time I was. A lot of people think kitty cats pretty much never go shopping,...

Dear Hugh Jackman,

You were in the hit movie "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" the popular film that- as hinted at in the title- chronicles the origins of your popular X-Men character Wolverine, which is awesome. They put you underwater...

It's Monday and I am still coming down from the gayest day of the year (Gay Pride Day in New York City, in case you happen to live here and didn't leave the house) in a city that is already pretty gay year round if you really think about it....

Success--will we ever really understand it? Probably not, but as long as we're on the topic, it wouldn't kill you to put on a pair of pants. I say this not to suggest that pants are by any means the sole key to success. In fact, depending on the situation,...

"Shark attack! Shark attack!" That is what the people of Sydney, Australia were heard to say recently when there was a shark attack in their popular town. As is often the case when a shark attacks somebody, everyone was really surprised by the shark attack, especially a man by the...

If there is one thing I have seriously been getting into lately, it is beach babes.

For the uninitiated, beach babes are not unlike regular babes except for the fact that they are...

Last night, after a seriously killer workout at one of the many gyms near my house that I routinely tear up like a motherfucker to the delight and amazement of pretty much everyone else at the...

I was speaking with fellow show business professional Dan Allen today on the topic of Postum, the elusive coffee substitute invented by cereal magnate C.W. Post and made available to the public from 1895 to...

It has come to my attention that Postum, the elusive wheat and molasses-based coffee substitute invented by known Seventh-day Adventist and cereal magnate C.W. Post as an alternative to the popular caffeine-based beverages (tea and coffee, mentioned earlier) that many Americans tend to start their day with, is no more....

Last night on cable, I watched an exciting episode of "Intervention," the incredible program that shows some drug addict doing a bunch of drugs for at least half the show until the drug addict's entire family shows up at his house, bangs on his door, and starts crying and blowing...

Yesterday, I went to see "Bodies: The Exhibition," the popular exhibition of bodies advertised on most phone booths and other flat surfaces here in New York City. As hinted at in the name, "Bodies: The Exhibition" is totally an exhibition of human bodies only instead of being made up of...

Shockwaves rippled through the scientific community and also through most of my apartment today when I read a story on the Internet about a hammerhead shark in Omaha, Nebraska that had experienced a "virgin birth," which is to say that it totally gave birth to a baby hammerhead shark without...

As you can see from the photo above, last night I took a vacation from my problems and went to see Steely Dan at the Beacon Theatre here in scenic New York City. Predictably, the show was...

Yesterday, I read a story on the Internet about an elephant in scenic India who had gained a reputation around town for being a total dick to pretty much everyone in his entire neighborhood. He ran all over the place crushing houses, trampling people to the point where they were...

I should probably just file this one under "Do Not Even Get Me Started On This Topic," but as long as I'm sitting here in cool down mode I might as well bring you up to speed on what's going on in my world at the moment: I have just...

Is is hot enough for you? Now there is one question I find myself both asking and answering with increasing regularity this time of year, especially on days when it is seriously hot outside.

As questions go, "Is it hot enough for you?" is a pretty good one for any...

Yesterday was the most exciting and important day of my entire life, at least as far as putting people behind bars goes anyway.

It all started a few months ago when I got an exciting letter in the mail from the people who run the courts here in New...

I've said it before and I'll say it again- my hot dog man has Tourette Syndrome, at least as far as I can tell anyway. I bring this up not because I think it's funny to make light of someone's health problems and/or disabilities (except maybe for when a dog...