Huffpost Comedy
The Blog

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis from HuffPost's signature lineup of contributors

David Bourgeois Headshot

New Poll: Republicans Win 447 House Seats, 113 Senate Seats

Posted: Updated:

A new Washington Post/ABC News/Wall Street Journal/Opinion Dynamics/New York Times/CBS/Rasmussen/Gallup poll suggests Republicans are likely to win 435 House seats come November. Some models actually predict Republicans may pick up 447 to 450 House seats. When asked how that's possible, since there are only 435 House seats, a rather cantankerous John Cranston of Rasmussen said, "I'm not an idiot, I know there are 435 seats in the House of Representatives. So what! Republicans are polling so well, they have a great chance of winning districts not even yet created." Several of these districts created in the pollsters' minds are now leaning solidly Republican. Cranston went on to add, "Right now, just as we're talking, I created another House district in my head. It's a really cool district, too. Lots of activity, nice bike paths...but anyway...a quick scan of the polls, and the Democrat trails 59.6 percent to 31.2 percent. Looks like the Democrats will get walloped in these dreamed-up districts!"

The poll also put President Obama's approval rating at -24 percent. The negative number reflects something of a statistical anomaly. When asked for an explanation, The Wall Street Journal's Meg Pike said, "Since we were unable to find any respondents who actually liked President Obama, we thought, 'What the hell, we might as well go negative.' It actually probably is accurate enough." She later confessed, "We're the Wall Street Journal for God's sake. We have a duty to hate on Obama, our readers expect nothing less."

When it comes to the Senate races this year, the numbers were equally devastating for Democrats. Though only 37 seats are up for election, according to Opinion Dynamics' Mike Wallingford the Republicans are feeling confident that after they win all of them, they'll be able to strong-arm the remaining Democrats. "Think about it," he said. "If you're a Democrat who isn't up for reelection this cycle, are you really going to want to keep your job? All it'll take for incoming Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell to grab the seats is to give those Democrats a thick envelope packed with free postage and a few gift certificates from Charlie Palmer steak house."