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David Bourgeois

David Bourgeois

Posted April 30, 2009 | 01:55 PM (EST)

President Bush Opens Up on Waterboarding


Former President George W. Bush made a statement today from his Texas home on the controversy surrounding the recently declassified documents on torture.

My administration has been accused of torturing prisoners at the Guantánamo Naval detention center and at other sites throughout the world. I would like to clear up just what exactly went on. The enemy combatants who claim to have been waterboarded are not being truthful. The fact is, these prisoners were severely congested; they were complaining of tightness in the sinus cavity. As a result, I specifically ordered the commanders on the ground and the guards overseeing the detainees to immediately employ the use of a Neti Pot. The U.S. does not torture, we use Neti Pots. The whole waterboarding thing has been a complete misunderstanding. I sincerely hope President Obama is aware of this and exonerates the members of my administration who employed the use of this pretty cool and revolutionary sinus-health method.
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photo: Alaska Massey