Point Of Pride

Recently, a straight friend of mine asked me if I was planning to attend the annual Gay Pride Parade in West Hollywood. I half-heartedly replied that I probably would. My friend shrugged, saying that he and his wife always used to attend, but didn't bother anymore. "It used to be so outrageous," he explained. "The people, the floats. It was like Mardi Gras, but now it's just a bunch of people in Khaki shorts pushing baby carriages." His remark sort of stung a little. I had to admit that lately, my enthusiasm for the whole "Pride" thing had flattened out a bit. I'd mostly chalked it up to age. When I was young(er), I loved "Pride." It was the one day of the year you could get super-drunk before noon, dance in the street and kiss your boyfriend (or somebody else's boyfriend) in broad daylight without any fear of getting the shit beaten out of you. It was an exhilarating, no-holds-barred, free-for-all celebration of being "the outsider."

My friend was right in that the freaky "in-your-face" quality the parades once possessed had sort of waned lately. Although, we still had the scary "Dykes on Bikes," the flatbed full of leather men and of course, the occasional drag queen staggering by, mostly all you got now were lots and lots of "groups" (like "The LGBT Coalition for/or against Something") all marching along in their color coordinated T-shirts. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's not necessarily something you want to stand all day in the hot sun to watch.

The most fun I ever had at Pride was when I marched with the Gay & Lesbian Film Festival. Each year, they would "salute" a different classic movie and that particular year, it was "The Sound of Music." After a bloody, hair-pulling fight, I managed to land the much-coveted role of "Maria." Surrounded by a very ethnically diverse group of Von Trapp children, I skipped along, strumming my guitar in my postulate costume, followed by dancing nuns, shirtless boys in lederhosen and quartet of large Lesbians dressed as the Swiss Alps. It was beyond fabulous! I would, however, like to offer you a tip. Never attempt to "skip" 2.5 miles while wearing a pair of women's shoes. There was, for a time, some concern as to whether I would ever walk again.

Oddly, my friend's question did leave me wondering what exactly I was proud of. I was certainly proud of the accomplishments of Gay and Lesbian people. Starting with Plato and Socrates, all the way up to Ellen DeGeneres, Barney Frank and Ryan Seacrest, it's an impressive list. I was certainly proud of the estimated 60,000 Gay and Lesbian soldiers currently thought to be on active duty in the United States military. Plus, I was proud of my community's activism in areas like employment discrimination and HIV awareness. And we always look so good doing it. Our men, so sleek and well-groomed. Our women, so rugged and handsome. I was sure proud of Sean Penn! Here's a guy who, to my knowledge, has never suck a dick in his life, but there he was on the Oscars, staunchly defending my constitutional rights. And I was, of course, proud of Barack Obama: the first US president to ever even acknowledge the existence of Gay people in his inaugural address.

But these were the accomplishments of other people. What was I personally proud of? If having "Pride" just meant acknowledging my history of sleeping with other men, I had quite a lot to be proud of! Having been gay since the age of four, I've gotten pretty good at it over the years. However, since I have a strict "no cameras" policy in my bedroom, I don't have anything I can show you. So, you'll just have to take my word for it.

These days being Gay is less about sex than it is about civil rights anyway. As you may have heard, Carrie Prejean, the newly dethroned Miss California, recently got her big fake boobs caught in the gnarly mousetrap of opposing Gay marriage. Now free of her royal obligations, Miss Prejean has stated that she will continue her campaign to prevent homos from legally marrying because of a deep, personal feeling that same-sex marriage is just, well, "wrong."

I can relate to Carrie's feelings. Just last week, as I was rushing to an appointment in Koreatown, I too had a deep personal feeling that we should create a law that would allow ordinary citizens like myself to randomly shoot any driver that didn't use their turn signal. I suspected that "David's Law" would be very popular with California voters. But then when I thought about all the needless heartbreak and loss I would be inflicting on the lives of so many people; people I had no real relationship to and knew almost nothing about, it didn't seem like such a good idea after all. And I guess that's why we should always create laws based on constitutional principles and judicial precedent; and not on people's personal fucking feelings. That said, I'd like to wish Ms. Prejean well in her new role representing angry, uninformed segregationists everywhere. God speed, Carrie.

So after mulling this whole Pride question over for a bit, here's what I came up with: I love men. And fortunately, men love me! So, it's all worked out pretty well. To say I'm proud of being Gay is like saying I'm proud of my height, hair color or shoe size; things that were all decided for me before I was born. I mean really! If a guy likes to suck dick or a gal likes to enjoy a little pussy that's not her own... What the fuck? Who among us wants to be judged on the most intimate, personal details of our lives? Wouldn't we rather be assessed based on what we do or how we operate in the world? I stand before you; a man who has loved and been loved. I can install a light fixture; put up sheetrock and change a tire. I also have an uncanny ability to pick out the perfect lamp for any room and once sewed an entire patchwork quilt by hand (sort of like a prairie woman). I am a writer. A Democrat. A teacher. A mentor. An optimist. And a cocksucker. Am I proud of all those things? Well, I'm certainly not ashamed of them.

Not long ago, I was driving home from a rather raucous party when it occurred to me that I was a little too drunk to be behind the wheel of a car. So, solid citizen that I am, I pulled into the 24 hour "Subway" sandwich shop at Sunset and LaBrea. There was a cute, friendly Latin kid working there who I was pretty sure was straight, but I was drunk and it was three o'clock in the morning, so I decided to flirt with him a little. After we discussed the merits of the various subway sandwiches, I made my selection. At which point, my new, imaginary, Latino boyfriend looked into my eyes, smiled and said "Can you handle twelve inches?" To which I replied, "Gosh, that certainly sounds good... but I'd prefer not to end my evening in the emergency room." He laughed. And as I sat eating my sandwich, we shot the breeze a little. He was a student at LACC. He hadn't declared his major yet, but was leaning toward law enforcement. I told him I was a writer working in the entertainment business - which explained what I was doing drunk in a Subway at three o'clock in the morning. It wasn't a groundbreaking conversation. It didn't change the world. But it was nice. And as I left, I couldn't help thinking how swell it would be if someday we could all just order whatever appealed to us off the menu and enjoy it; without being particularly concerned about what the other guy was eating. And when (and if) that day ever comes, we will all - all of us - have something to be very, very proud of indeed.

Comments

[shadow man]

Homosexuality is not a choice. Just like you don't choose the color of your skin, you cannot choose whom you are sexually attracted to. If you can, sorry, but you are not heterosexual, you are bi-sexual. Virtually all major psychological and medical experts agree that sexual orientation is NOT a choice. Most gay people will tell you its not a choice. Common sense will tell you its not a choice. While science is relatively new to studying homosexuality, studies tend to indicate that its biological.

http://www-news.uchicago.edu/releases/03/differential-brain-activation.pdf
http://www.newscientist.com/channel/sex/dn14146-gay-brains-structured-like-those-of-the-opposite-sex.html
Gay, Straight Men's Brain Responses Differ
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,155990,00.html
http://www.livescience.com/health/060224_gay_genes.html
http://www.springerlink.com/content/w27453600k586276/
http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/80beats/2008/06/16/172/

There is overwhelming scientific evidence that homosexuality is not a choice. Sexual orientation is generally a biological trait that is determined pre-natally, although there is no one certain thing that explains all of the cases. "Nurture" may have some effect, but for the most part it is biological.

[shadow man]

Second of all, you obviously don't understand the difference between pedophilia and homosexuality. One is a sexual orientation, the other is a fetish. Let me distinguish this for you. Even a male pedophile, he will choose little boys if he's gay, or little girls if he's straight, depending on his orientation. See the difference? Also pedophilia is harmful and non-consenting, homosexuality is not harmful, consenting, and in many ways beneficial. S&M is also a fetish.

Also, yes, homosexuality is natural. But see, what you don't understand, is that something being natural or unnatural does nothing to prove it wrong or right. Homosexuality is natural, and is not wrong. Eating your own kids is also natural, but wrong. Driving a car or flying an airplane (Humans natural way of transportation is walking, humans are not meant to fly since we have no wings) are both unnatural, but not wrong.

Got anything else i can disprove?

[sherrijames]

David, your humor is simply the best. Congratulations on being added to the Huffington Post. I was already a fan of this e-paper but now I will surely check in regularly to get my weekly does of Parts and Labor.

sj

[cgr]

Wonderfully expressed. I used to think the same thing: what's with this Gay Pride stuff?? Or Black Pride? Blue-eyed pride or tall pride would make just as much sense. But I've come to see that it's a wide pendulum swing from being disenfranchised and shunned to a feeling of empowerment, claiming pride in being who one is. Eventually, the big pendulum swing from shame to pride and a new sense of superiority settles down to acceptance of who one is without beating drums about it. The growing acceptance of others helps, but acceptance and respect of oneself is the outcome of the struggle at its best.

The additional boon hopefully gained is is a profound empathy when recognizing the struggles of others who are put down in society as they seek their way toward self-respect and the acceptance and respect of fellow human beings.

Then, no shame, no pride about being who one is. Simple equality. It happens one person at a time, and we all benefit.

[CharlesofPortAngeles]

DDB:
Thanks for a fun read. I was contemplating this very issue yesterday. I contacted a friend from 20-yrs past. Upon learning I was gay, she went on and on about it, "Oh, I never knew", "Should I have asked?", "There's gays all over my neighborhood", ect. Having been 'out' for nearly 20 years I was surprised by the awekwardness of her response. That's when I realized that I had long since given up the notion that being gay was something special or unique, neither note-worthy nor remarkable. It was just one aspect of my life. I remember, there was a time when being gay and expressing my sexuality with other men was the most important thing in the world. I ache to recall that at one time I tried to equate dick sucking with a political statement. Ho hum. What a crock. Anyway, I guess getting to the point that Pride vs. Shame is a non-issue was the whole point ini the first place.

[Reighben Labilles]

American LGBTs should be proud of the level of political organization and representation they enjoy. We from the Philippines can only dream of that. Maybe because despite many of us being super out (like me), many of us aren't brave enough to really get into the political work of promoting our cause. Maybe there are too many gays like me who don't mind to flaunt their sexuality in places we feel safe but are far too afraid of the rowdy thugs who might beat the crap out of us to be truly out everywhere we go.

When we get hurt, we don't have any equivalent to your ACLU and LGBT rights groups (that actually have effective political power) to holler at the government to fix social ills. So even though your Pride parades get filled by proLGBT groups, be happy about it. It may not be as fun as before, but at least you know the community there is united and ready to help any of its members when they're in need or in trouble.

[Misterdc]

Great post! Indeed, a good writer you are... I sound like Yoda.

[KevinKSF]

Yeah babies have become the gay community’s new Jack Russell terriers. In the Castro and WeHo gays are having kids at the same rates they used to in hillbilly country.

[thebigbike]

Sounds like progress to me! Even as a certified dog lover I prefer most children to most jack russel terriers