03/15/2007 12:52 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Dear Rep. Reichert...

Rep. Dave Reichert
US House of Representatives
1223 Longworth Building
Washington, DC 20515

Dear Rep. Reichert,

I understand that you have submitted three candidates to the White House as a replacement for John McKay as U.S. attorney for Western Washington, and while I understand that at least two of the candidates have adequate legal credentials, I fear that in conducting your search you may have overlooked the most important qualification: loyalty.

It wasn't McKay's legal expertise or prosecutorial skills or even his investigative shortcomings that cost him his job (hell, it's not like it took him 18 years to catch a serial killer who was a prime suspect from day one,) it was his lack of loyalty that got him fired. What President Bush and your fellow Republicans need most in this office is not a top-notch legal mind, but a faithful and loyal companion.

And who could be more faithful and loyal than Major, who is not only looking for a new home, but could use a high-paying government job as well? Here is his CV:

major.jpgHi, I am Major. Well yes I do know I am gorgeous but please... try not to gush. I am indeed a big friendly golden boy but be aware I do have just a touch of a stubborn attitude (perhaps there is some chow in me?) and I just might believe that I am as smart as you are. I do have a great sense of humor and will prefer that in my human as well. Other dogs are great but I am really more of a people dog. If you are looking for a loving, devoted, intelligent companion I am your man. Take me home and lets make mischief together.

Yeah, sure, Major might believe that he's smarter than you, but then who doesn't? And you yourself can attest to how being a "big friendly golden boy" can take you far in politics.

So please, add Major to your list of candidates for U.S. attorney. Major desperately needs a new home, and Attorney General Gonzales desperately needs a loving, devoted companion, who enjoys making mischief. It's a perfect match.

Respectfully yours,


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