Shame on you, Amital Etzioni, for the antiquated, insulting and frankly dangerous ideas you trot out like dead horses to flog in your recent essay on the review of the anthology Hos, Hookers, Call Girls, and Rent Boys. Yes, of course, some people are enslaved in the world of...

King James? The Chosen One? Lebron, this week you are Lepunk! Turns out Lebron James was posterized by Jordan Crawford, a fierce Xavier student, in a drive-by dunking at the Lebron James Skills Academy. According to a source close to Mr. James, the NBA's MVP had his Nike representatives pull...

Hear that faint distant humming sound, like a billion buzzing bees? That's the sound of millions of soccer fanatics ratcheting their vuvuzela noisemakers as they gear up for what is predicted to be biggest sporting event on the planet: World Cup 2010 in South Africa. For the uninitiated, it's like...

Rabid NY Yankees fans, furious that Alex Rodriguez is batting a miniscule .177, are uniting to urge the beleaguered ballplayer to get back on steroids. "Let's face it," said Vinny "3 Balls" Boombatz from Bay Ridge, "all those warning track outs, those would be home runs if A-Rod would just...

Reading Lily Burana is like having very tasty martinis with a dear old friend who regales you with saucy, sassy, savvy stories about her wild and crazy life. I got to know Ms. Burana's writing in her first memoir, Strip City, about her retirement tour as a stripper. So I...

British singing sensation Susan Boyle, an unemployed cat owner, has become, as a result of a mere five minutes of singing, an inspiration to millions of people all over the globe, a symbol that anyone with true, genuine talent can have their lifelong dream come true if they just keep...

In an attempt to generate more income in the face of the current relentless economic downturn, Major League Baseball has decided to start a Steroid Hall of Fame. They have not yet convinced a city to host what one high-ranking official from MLB described as, "A great way to capitalize...

Joaquin "El Chapo" Guzman Loera reported head of the Sinaloa cartel in Mexico, ranked 701st on Forbes' yearly report of the wealthiest men alive, and worth an estimated $1 billion, today officially thanked United States politicians for making sure that drugs remain illegal. According to one of his closest confidants,...

There is a wicked myth that has resurfaced with this impotent economy. The sex industry, I heard a blowhard exclaim, is bulletproof, no matter how hard times are, there's always men who are harder. Everyone laughed. Everyone except me. Because I know differently. Sex workers have been hit below the...

In response to a picture of Michael Phelps taken by a British tabloid photographer, Kelloggs recently announced that they are dumping the greatest Olympic performer in the history of the United States. "Michael's behavior is not consistent with the image of Kellogg's," said a spokesman for Kellogg's.

Wake up America!...

One unexpected benefit of the worst economic depression in a century is that for the first time in history, poor people are happier than rich people. Experts claim this is because the lifestyle of poor people has barely changed with the economic downturn. They were below the poverty before, and...

Top aides of Dick Cheney revealed that he is shopping his new memoir, even as they lashed out at critics who claim that he abused his power as vice president of the United States. Even though many in the publishing industry have expressed outrage that Cheney made torture standard practice...

After years of controversy regarding the lack of a playoff system in NCAA Division I college football, a vast majority of university and college presidents have admitted they care more about making lots and lots of money than they do about deciding a national champion fair and square. "Yes," said...

The NFL is considering suspending New England Patriot wide receiver Wes Welker for violating National Football League rules when he celebrated a touchdown against the Arizona Cardinals by falling to the ground, lying on his back in the snow-covered end zone and making a snow angel.

An anonymous NFL...

"Prohibition will work great injury... for it attempts to control a man's appetite by legislation, and makes a crime out of things that are not crimes. A Prohibition law strikes a blow at the very principles upon which our government was founded."

If you don't know who said that,...

Memoirs have been a source of raging controversy. Seems some memoirs are more true than others. But to me, a memoirist makes a deal with the reader: what I tell you is real, and you judge me by the stories I tell you. I think about this way too much...

1500 points the market plummeted last week. This was preceded by
months of money drunk Wall Streeters feeding like little piggies at
the trough of dirty money. For me it's déjà vu all over again. Black
Monday, October 19, 1987, the market crashed 508 points, while I...