Déjà Vu All Over Again

1500 points the market plummeted last week. This was preceded by
months of money drunk Wall Streeters feeding like little piggies at
the trough of dirty money. For me it's déjà vu all over again. Black
Monday, October 19, 1987, the market crashed 508 points, while I was
the master of ceremonies at Chippendales, the world's greatest male
stripping empire. And just as one-bedroom fixer-uppers were recently
being valued at half a million dollars, citizens were taking out loans
with balloon payments so full of hot air they exploded, and the new
Bush was turning Wall Street into a Vegas casino; so Chippendales,
with its steroid-bloated, mountain-peak-pecced excess was business as
usual in a culture where the Emperor was a male exotic dancer with no
clothes on. In both cases, America was writing checks with its mouth
that its ass couldn't cash and it crashed like an addled addict after
a lost weekend.

In fact, that's what happened to me. Started when the Snowman, a
Chippendales studmuffin, began feeding me coke so I'd give him better
intros. Soon I was shoving massive amounts of blow up my nose to feed
the demon beast inside that could never be satisfied, til one night I
did so much coke I died. Luckily, I came back to life. I quit coke
that night. Dedicated myself to working hard, finding love, and
conquering my demon beasts old-school style, by unraveling my knots
slowly and painfully. Took me decades of busting my hump and years of
hypnotherapy, but today I'm drug-free, with a job I love, a wife who
loves me in all my idiocy, an apple-of-my-eye baby girl, and a
glorious home with a spectacular garden that feeds me every day.

I'm hoping America will have just as happy an ending. Dump the gas-guzzling SUVs, play well with others, stop the billion dollar a day war, and prosper the old-school way: work hard and earn it. Well, that's my two cents worth, and with inflation I owe you approximately one trillion dollars.

Comments

[agmorehead]

i was there when it happened. crash and burn. can't wait to read mr. sterry's book

[choochoocoleman1]

so i came over and read this one, cuz i loved the memoir thing. this is just as good. excellent writer, big brain, large funny bone.

[jukebones]

as i watch for 401k melt like the wicked witch of the west i want to know who is accountable. who is going to pay for the greed and the3 stupidity? i want ceo's in jail!

[millyvvv]

wake up america or we're all through!

[missyuvvtri]

i'm so tired of rich incompetents getting richer. halliburton, dick cheney, rove, bush, they should all be put in prison. and america, change!

[ben209]

I thinking of putitng everything into gold and then stuffing it into my mattress, the most secure thing to do I suppose, but hard to sleep on.

[imahrgtz]

yes, it is time for change. live free or die. get the dinosaurs out of washington. throw the moneylenders out of the temple! power to the people. down with wall st, up with main st!

[grupchztch]

right on, yes, this whole thing stinks like flopsweat on a bombing comic. this is the legacy of george bush, the worst president in the history of the world.

[pepequezz]

true, too true. but what is to be done? i feel lost while my nut shrinks every day. HELP!

[miloknunk]

this made me laugh. rock the vote - obama

[pepequezz]

this is funny and true, too!

[olivesterry]

first of all i loved loved loved this rant/article, it hit many nails on many heads. thanks for posting it, it made my day! I had heard about this site, but never been here. but wow, there's so much great stuff on it.

[mlipntz]

i absolutely lived through those crazy daze, and these daze seem even crazier. right on, huffpost for letting writers like this rock so hard!

[jmtrz]

what a fascinating take on the current crisis. funny and true. totally excellent

[jeckstut]

fantastic article. i've never been to this website, but after reading this article i signed up, and the website is great. i'd like to see more writing from this author. thanks!