Do we love Michael Jackson even more in death?

Ever since Michael Jackson's funeral at Staples Center was announced about three hours ago, I've been trying to join the list of people who will be allowed to attend. I have dual interests in this: first as a death and dying expert wanting to witness up close, the phenomenon of Public Grief. And partly to honor the man I knew who showed so much kindness to terminally ill children that I brought to his Neverland Ranch. The upshot is that so far, I have not been able to register due to so many people trying to get on the site at the same time.

This begs the question: Why do we love Michael Jackson even more in death than we did in life?

When he died a few short days ago, people came forth to report that Michael was practically a recluse who could never have made it onto a stage for a performance, much less fifty performances. He was presented as drug-addicted, needle-ridden, frail and wasting, a fifty-year old man whose image had so declined, we believed he was illusory about still being able to perform.

But that was a fleeting point of view. On Thursday, we were presented with a new image of Michael two days before his death, in rehearsal for his opening. He now looked strong, charismatic, electric and more in command of the stage than ever. His musical director, the head of AEG, and others connected to his show, appeared on CNN to say that the night before his death, he left the Staples Center happy, eager, and in great anticipation of his comeback. They said he, himself, had agreed to do fifty shows instead of the original ten that had jumped to thirty.

Although I originally viewed this death as a public grief phenomenon, I soon found myself becoming more and more personally attached. I reflected on a kind, magical man who gave his day to a group of very sick children whom I brought to the ranch. He wanted no press at that time and no cameras. I was struck that he made no grand entrance, he looked relatively normal with no makeup, special hair or costuming, he made sure to give personal attention to each child, and he spent the most time with a young girl who clearly had very little time left.

In public grief, the media first reports the death, and then explores the "whys" and the "hows." In the initial days, we looked at the tragedy as just one more pop icon in decline. But public grief is fluid and dynamic, which was obvious when we saw the video of Michael rehearsing.

Our Public Grieving Template was transformed from sadness mixed with judgment around a drug addict, unable to get on a stage, practically a skeleton, too fragile to ever perform again, into a strong, excited, hard working man in pain, generally sleep-deprived, possibly a victim of doctors who overstepped their professional ethics and boundaries.

In the end, our Public Grief reflects a man who died too soon. For today, the public loves Michael even more in death than in life. Nothing feeds public grief more than a comeback, even after death.

By the way, the moment I finished this article, my computer screen lit up with,
"Your registration for your chance to attend the Michael Jackson Public Memorial Service has been received." Whether or not I get tickets to this event, I will be observing this rare outpouring of Public Grief.

Follow David Kessler on Twitter: www.twitter.com/KublerRossGuy

Comments

[MarinaMark]

I saw some great fireworks tonight and thought about Micheal..how bright he shown and how soon the light was gone...I love him and his music in death as much as in life. He ran all the generations, my mom loves him, we do and are kids do.

I am glad you had a great day with him. I hope they do something with Neverland so others can visit.

[MsIrisMG]

I don't know who "we" is in Mr. Kessler's article. But do I love him more now that he's gone? To me, that's impossible to do because I loved him pretty damn much, albeit respectfully, while he was alive.. I downloaded "You Rock My World", his last single, when it first came out. (I still wish, though, there was some way to edit out Chris Tucker's idiotic intro.) I think the fanatic frenzy of Mijac followers has gone into overdrive, though, and the people who used to scream and risk his safety and theirs by rushing the stage while he was trying to perform, I think THOSE people need help. A lot of this outpouring is genuine, and some of it guilt-based. You get a lot of "I wish I hadn't judged him" sentiment. So, who knows. All I know is Los Angeles really needed some kind of baseball stadium or something to hold Michael's memorial service at rather than the smallish Staples Center. There are people flying in from other countries to come say goodbye to Michael and mourn with others, and his casket won't even be there. I just hope some semblance of dignity is possible to send this sweet man off to his eternal rest.

[Tekd]

It is pretty strange. I loved many of his songs and had listened to most of his albums but was never a fan in a strict sense. Had always felt bad about how much crap he had to deal with, and frankly I think I had always hoped that he would make a real comeback-I think it would have been a symbolic thing that someone so beaten down could make it back to the top and be truly great again.
Like most people though this kind of stuff wasn't on my mind most of the time, but I think his death somehow reminded a lot of people just how much his music had really shaped much of their lives for the last few decades, and reminded us just how much we had wanted him to be truly great again.
I've never felt any grief over the death of a public persona before, and had never understood why fans still go to Graceland all the time. But now I get it, because these musicians represented those years and decades of peoples' lives, and the music and the artist are forever linked to treasured memories.
And so it is that even though I didn't personally know the man, I find myself truly saddened by his death. Amazing that one performer had this kind of impact worldwide, and it's too bad that it took his death for people to realize just how much they loved him since he'll never know.

[LawstudentWC]

Even if the child molestation charges are true, you have to look at Michaels childhood and those parents allowed their kids to go away with him. I think the media has covered that story enough, I do care about him more now. But I think this is true for everyone after death.

[peanutsinger]

After death we do realzied all that MJ was. Not just his flaws, but the person, talent and greatness.

[FredandSusan]

I think there are plenty of people who care. In fact I think Tuesday we will find out there are millions.

[Blurgle]

I find this adulation of him sickening, personally. He should be forgotten.

People get too emotionally connected to people they don't know just because they're entertaining. WHO CARES?

[MsIrisMG]

Me.

[singforpeace]

Me too!!!

[sarahaschanged]

I am glad the media is changing its view on Michael. Thank goodness their is no "public grieving template" for Sarah Palin.

[GrainneKathleen]

I think one of the many reasons why I am so sad about his death is that I had always expected him to make a comeback. I don't believe tabloids - don't even look at them when in the grocery store, in fact. So I just assumed he was living his creative life with his family, and would one day be vindicated once he decided to perform again. I am delighted to know he was in Ireland for a while - a place I have lived in and have found very uniquely inspiring for a creative spirit. But now that he has passed to the great beyond, I can't stop myself from watching old interviews and, most of all, watching him dance to his own beat. He is on my short list of people I would like to meet one day in that great beyond. Hope he is still dancing and singing somewhere out there - a very comforting thought.

[singforpeace]

BTW, Mr. Kessler, I wish you all the luck on getting those tickets. If I lived closer, I would certainly have tried to get them too. Alas, I will be sitting in my living room watching it on TV. I am so happy that I shared this music with both of my children who are also Michael lovers. And now, my son has shared with his two children. Michael will live on in all of our families.

[singforpeace]

Some of us have loved Michael since the Jackson 5 days. Yes, it is true that I didn't wear out albums within months as I did in 1969 when I bought the very first album, but my love has been strong, vibrant, real for 40 years. I would agree that, for some, they love him more in death than in life, but for millions of fans across the world, it has been a continuous love in spite of his shortcomings and clear personal failings.