David Misch

Let's say you're an alien. (Not the illegal kind who we hate and fear -- the extraterrestrial kind who only want to eat and/or enslave us).

Between eating and/or enslaving, you want a few laughs. "Hey," you say in your impenetrable yet vaguely Eastern European tongue, "why not take in...

Let me introduce myself. I am a deciduous oak, born around 1996. I live in Iowa, in a suburban area where there are thousands of trees. Although the winters are long...

Thank God a presidential candidate has finally had the courage to say what we were all thinking: "It's 2012 -- where's my moon colony?"

Newt Gingrich's bold, not-even-at-all-so-ludicrous-that-it-takes-about-a-minute-to-believe-he-said-it statement of purpose has clearly defined our priorities for the 21st century... and beyond! In ascending order of importance: improve...

Occupy is in trouble.

Kicked out of public parks across the country, the movement looks cautiously towards the spring, bitterly aware of the obstacles it faces: severe limitations on where, when and how ordinary people can protest the domination of America by its super-rich. (That whole "right to peaceably assemble...

Momentum is growing in several states to classify fetuses as human beings. I assume this is due to a fervent desire to help the natally challenged and not a cynical end-run around abortion laws, but it seems to me to miss the point.

Fetuses, while clearly human in all aspects...

Okay, let's follow the reasoning...

No Ground Zero Community Center -- sorry, Mosque -- because Muslims would consider it a Victory Community Center -- sorry, Mosque.

But say you're a terrorist who wants to terrorize America and show that Islam is holy -- do you blow up a mosque? Especially...

Next week brings the sentencing for fraud of a man shrouded in mystery. Bernard Lawrence Madoff: heartless criminal, hapless businessman -- or role model?

Bankruptcy, public humiliation, prison -- why does the American public dwell obsessively on the downside of the Bernard Madoff story? Sure, if you only look at...

With Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid at his side, President Obama today announced his opposition to all prosecutions for the crime of murder. "While murder is a dark and painful act," said Mr. Obama, "I see no point in looking backward to prosecute those who have committed it in the...

Defense lawyers in a federal corruption trial demanded that the judge declare a mistrial because a juror posted updates on the case on Twitter. -- The Times

OMG! I can't believe what's happening! Juror #8 is all up in 4's face, "neighbor heard him yell 'I'll kill you!'" Cat-fight! (Only...

My fellow Republicans... I rise in opposition to Comrade Obama's insidious, socialistic "stimulus" plan. This gigantic pork-barrel bill is a shameless giveaway of the public's money to the working class and poor. But I don't need to tell you that, you who voted for President Bush's noble -- and successful!...

From: Ex. VP, Destroying Fabric of Democracy Comm.
To: All fraudsters
Re: Fraud

Fellow Fraudsters:

After months of planning, the DFoD Committee has finalized a foolproof evil scheme for massive voting fraud on Election Day. The plan is simplicity itself but must be followed to the letter for...

My buddies, what do we really know about John McCain? Why hasn't he told the full story of his past associations? Is he really, as some say, a Communist? Let's look at the evidence.

Senator McCain has repeatedly admitted that he lived in North Vietnam with known...

Calm down, folks -- I guarantee that Sarah Palin's performance on Thursday will be coherent and articulate. Why? Has everyone forgotten Bush's first debate?

But... what if something goes wrong?

-- Gwen, that's a great question. Legal immigration is one of America's historic strengths, perhaps...

Experts are now saying that the $150 billion stimulus package enacted earlier this year was ineffective in boosting the economy. $600 was given to each taxpayer but, evidently, rich people kept the money so they could be $600 richer and poor people lost it almost immediately, or ate it.

Many...

Much has been made of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt donating proceeds from the sale of photos of their newborn babies to charity. But few commentators are willing to explore the dark side of Brangelina's so-called generosity.

If, as has been reported, photos of the twins brought up to 15...

News that the CIA based its "enhanced" interrogation techniques on torture inflicted on our servicemen by the Chinese during the Korean War brings dishonor and shame to our nation. It's one thing to use Chinese toys to get our children's lead-paint intake up to FDA standards but should we really...

There are those of us on the bleeding-heart (wait, shouldn't that term now be restricted to those killed in Iraq?) Left who, cynically, believe that conservatives have no true political principles, that they justify whatever policy benefits them and their supporters by an ever-changing set of criteria. But the Inspector...

As if the nomination of defeatist Barack Obama for President weren't enough, another lily-livered group has joined the coalition of the surrender monkeys who want to abandon our winning war in Iraq: Iraq.

"Iraq officials question need for U.S. troop presence" reads the headline in the L.A. Times. Well pardon...

So this time, books may actually be dead.

Reports that Amazon's Kindle book-reader (has anyone else noticed its name's ominous similarity to "kindling"?) is actually a reasonable substitute for a book bring us one step closer to the end of bound paper. (A brief pause while all the trees in...