11/13/2008 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

If Obama Were Like McCain

My buddies, what do we really know about John McCain? Why hasn't he told the full story of his past associations? Is he really, as some say, a Communist? Let's look at the evidence.

Senator McCain has repeatedly admitted that he lived in North Vietnam with known Communists for more than five years... during wartime! During that time he was offered the opportunity to leave Communist North Vietnam... and refused. Does that sound like someone who loves America?

As a Navy flier, he crashed two jets... at the behest of his Communist handlers?

And later, my buddies, he went back to Communist North Vietnam and negotiated with his Communist North Vietnamese pals... without preconditions.

He has associated with a known Vietnam combat-dodger.

And he has endorsed the policies of the current administration, which is now engaged in the Communistic nationalization of our nation's banks and financial system.

But, my buddies, perhaps we could forgive Senator McCain his Communisticalist tendencies if not for his admitted associations with drug addicts, teen sex, rapists and terrorism.

John McCain publicly lived with an admitted prescription drug thief and addict.

Senator McCain clearly supports unmarried teen sex, as shown by his support for a woman who supports her own daughter's unmarried teen sex pregnancy.

My buddies, John McCain has taken the side of America's rapists by associating with that same woman, who required rape victims to pay for their own forensic exams. Is it a coincidence that Senator McCain has never publicly denounced the Big Rape lobby?

And most disturbingly, on national television, John McCain publicly admitted that he could easily capture Osama bin Laden... but won't do it unless elected President. Is that not a form of terrorist blackmail? Is it possible that this Communist is also a Muslim extremist?

My buddies, it is clear my opponent is a man who has a very different idea of America than we do. But, although it may cost me some votes, I for one am proud to say no, I do not support Senator McCain's vision of a nation overrun with unmarried pregnant teen stolen-pill-popping blackmailing Muslim Communist terrorist rapists.

And did I mention his daughter is black?