Preview of Palin's Debate Victory

Calm down, folks -- I guarantee that Sarah Palin's performance on Thursday will be coherent and articulate. Why? Has everyone forgotten Bush's first debate?

But... what if something goes wrong?

-- Gwen, that's a great question. Legal immigration is one of America's historic strengths, perhaps best expressed by Emmett Lazarus's 1883 poem "The New Colossal", which begins...

-- Ms. Palin, I have to remind you the question was about abortion.

-- (Pause) Abortion! Shit! Who's on that? Stan, what the fuck? Sorry sorry, they're right next to each other. Abortion and Immigration? Abortion's the first one! No, that's Air Quality. We're missing a page! Let her talk, she knows abortion. No, we can't trust -- Shit, she's still repeating what we're saying! Sarah, stop talking! (Pause) Okay, now -- Sarah, stop talking! Just listen to what I say! (Pause)

Gwen, that's a great question. Reverence for life is one of America's historic strengths, though it's a bit more reverency when it's a tiny baby than a full-grown slut, her brain-space inflamed by kindergarten sex education, who's just askin' for it.

My fellow Alaskans, rape is something to which I'm opposed to, but part of the problem is that Alaska has a narrow maritime border involving water. Originally formed by dinosaurs and Man, working together, it sadly only takes a canoe or a submarine or some other water-resistant vehicle to breach the defenses of our super-awesome National Guard, allowing entire brigades of raping Russians, under the direct supervision of Leonid Putin, to undermine our economy.

Because make no mistake about it, that's what it's really about. Those rape kits are darn expensive and whose responsibility should paying for them be? The state of Alaska isn't made of money. Although, technically, since it's built on shale, it is. But we have many other responsibilities, bridges and roads to destinations so vital they don't exist yet, and gas pipelines which also don't exist but could, and --- Shut up! Shut up! I found it! Ready?

SQWARRRK!!! Next on KISS FM, "Smack Down Yo Bitch" by -- What the fuck?! What's the frequency, Kenneth? Then change it! Sarah, you're still repeating what we say. Screw it, guys, we're made. Go to Emergency Plan C -- throw her a shotgun and release the moose!

Comments

[JungleRoses]

I say, throw her to the wolves and see if she can survive the debate! I'm pretty sure Biden is very excited about helping Palin to end her misery and she'll resign. Go Biden!

[RedneckNOT]

Gov. Palin does not have any experience in or requisite knowledge of, and perhaps the intellectual curiosity for, international relations - a conclusion one can draw from her interviews with ABC & CBS. But what about domestic issues? Where are the questions on issues that affect the average American? Why not ask her about affirmative action, illegal immigration, education reform, healthcare, crime etc.? As governor, she should have experience on many of these issues and could hardly claim that they were "gotcha" questions. Wouldn't it be interesting and necessary to know where she stands on these as well?

[elevando]

This lowering expectations stuff is BS. Let''s just say that Palin has a higher ceiling if she does well compared to Biden. Though Biden is a good guy, he is old news.
Palin has to be herself, connect with the average, middle class American and forget this foreign policy nonsense. This will not win votes at the end of the day.

She needs her "I feel your pain" Bill Clinton moment. Connect with the middle class!

[boomerbabe]

Can we please focus on the fact that there is a great liklihood that she may have to assume the role of President.­. I don't care how "nice" she is.. my mother is nice.. and in fact my own mother would be more prepared to lead this country than Palin.

If McCain loved his country and not his obsessive need to win this election , he would replace her.
Is there a more difficult period in our history than now? More complex?

Dump her!

[pumpkin]

I hate to be paranoid, but seriously, will they check to make sure the candidates aren't wearing ear pieces? Well, one candidate in particular, but I guess it would look weird if they didn't check both.

I'm not kidding.

[mnkors]

Let her talk. Please. Simply allow her to talk as long as she wants.
And then we will learn some amazing things.

[rsg5354]

I agree totally!!!

[JulianJons]

I would like to make a plea to you guys. Please pass the word. Remember how much noise we made about the trip Sarah Palin made from Texas to Alaska to give birth and the mainstream press were forced to comment on it and it blew over. That is how much power we have now when we unite on the same thought. This time I would like to make noise about Joe Biden letting Sarah Palin speak at the debate. The more Sarah Palin speak, the more chances she has to trip and make a mess of herself. Joe has to be concise, be strong and defend his points and at the same time try to let her speak as much. She is not going to intrude on him when he is speaking. She will be happy for him to speak as long that is why he has to let her have the ball as long. Please pass the word.

JOE, LET SARAH SPEAK AT THE DEBATE!!!

[gerimd]

Sarah Palin as a TV sportscaster learned how to sound intelligent on television while wearing a receiver in her ear. I guarantee she'll do surprisingly well in the debate.

Wonder if there's a way to jam transmissions in the venue?

[JulianJons]

That is a good one. Someone in attendance should be in there with a jammer.