It's funny how one phrase or picture can forever alter your perception of someone.
For instance, Michael Dukakis lost the 1988 presidential election in part because he looked silly in an army helmet and the 80s hair band Winger had its hipness hurt when Stuart, the wimpiest character on "Beavis and Butthead," wore the band's logo on his never-changing T-shirt.
More recently, Anthony Weiner turned the phrase, "I can't say with certitude," into a verbal millstone forever around his neck.
Well, thanks to the Internet, I can no longer think about Megan Fox without visualizing her licking off the lipstick off her teeth.
She apparently does it a lot, if a new photo gallery by Oddee.com is accurate.
It shows celebrities with signature poses and, sure enough, there are four shots of Ms. Fox licking her lips lasciviously as if she wanted to show the paparazzi that she can, with effort, touch her nose with her tongue.
To be fair, Fox is not the only celebrity with a go-to photo move. Lindsay Lohan likes to use her index finger as a toothpick and Miley Cyrus likes to flash the peace sign. Kim Kardashian always sticks out a bent right knee.
Hey, when you pose for so many photos, it's good to have a go-to move, I guess. That must be the reason why George Clooney clasps his hands as if to say, "OK, the fun begins ... now!"
Also, Fox is so amazingly photogenic that I didn't mind looking up lip-licking photos for this article. She can stick her tongue out all she wants for all I care. Hey, it worked for Gene Simmons, didn't it?
Speaking of which, TheFrisky.com calls the KISS bassist to the curb in an article about celebrity sex claims that make them a little skeptical.
Simmons gets the treatment from the writers at that esteemed journal because his claim that he's slept with nearly 5,000 is as exaggerated as the fake southern accent used by his longtime collaborator Paul Stanley.
It seems that last year, Simmons claimed he had done the need with 4,600 women, which means that if he's really reached close to the 5,000 mark that quickly than he's had sex with about 1.5 women in the last year.
And you know as well as I do that finding half a woman is very hard -- even on the Internet.
But what isn't in doubt is that Simmons definitely has had more sex partners than the average correctional institute inmate -- but that isn't for lack of trying on the prisoner's part.
There are lots of warm, compassionate, loving hardened criminals who are looking for that special someone who can overlook little things such as a murder rap.
If you've been unlucky in love with honest, law-abiding folks, perhaps falling in love with someone who is incarcerated is the ticket.
But who do you choose?
I know, it's hard, but TruTV.com has done some of the due diligence with a photo gallery for prison personals.
For instance, there is Ashley Kooken, 27, who is serving life at Oregon's Coffee Creek Correctional Facility after pleading guilty to felony murder, first-degree robbery and first-degree burglary after she and three others broke into the Gladstone, OR., home of 47-year-old David Tolson to find meth.
She describes herself on her Write a Prisoner profile as "young but very mature" and says she is looking for "a person who can mentally take me out of this box I'm trapped in."
Box, cell, whatever. It's all semantics.
Meanwhile, ladies who are looking for a quality human with good values shouldn't pass up Edward Morris.
This 45-year-old hunk describes himself as a "a clean cut, goody two-shoes Christian" and "an odd duck, even among those who regularly attend chapel."
Morris had always been a devout Christian, homeschooling his children to protect them from the world. At 37 years of age, Morris, suffering financially, killed his pregnant wife and three children. Their bodies were found in Tillamook State Forest; the wife and two sons had been shot, the 8-year-old daughter was stabbed 18 times. Morris fled, but was captured in Oregon after a manhunt.
But before you judge him for things he was convicted of, take a look at the rest of the story: He shows a cute picture of a boat in the article photo.
If you have decided that dating a prisoner is for you, check out this insightful article by Cracked.com about the five least romantic keys to happy relationships.
One is tailor-made for long distance prison pen pals: Spend less time together. Apparently, it's better to have separate hobbies than forcing each other to do things together.
"Honey, why don't you go shopping at Bed, Bath and Beyond. I'll just stay here in my jail cell and whip up some pruno with these oranges I stole from the prison kitchen."
Another tip: The best relationships are where the man is uglier and dumber than the woman.
The idea is that an uglier man will try harder to work things out with his wife and a smarter woman will use her cleverness to keep the relationship going smoothly (i.e. her way).
From personal experience, it makes sense (my wife is both smarter and better looking than me by far), but then there are those outlier cases, like Anthony Weiner and his wife, Huma Abedin.
Then again, the more successful a man is, the more chances he has to date above his station.
So what do successful athletes who can get any women they want do?
According to Sports Illustrated columnist Steve Rushin, they apparently kiss trophies.
Rushin says there's a long, chaste tradition of athletes kissing trophies, of golfers and tennis players planting one on their newly won silverware.
In fact, during a big awards ceremony, he says it's common for photographers, standing in a pack like spectators at a royal wedding, impatiently calling for a kiss -- "Kiss the trophy!" -- until at last the reluctant couple complies.
For instance, Rafael Nadel nuzzled the award he won for his French Open victory, but Rushin says that only works on jug-handled prizes.
Meanwhile, he says Silver plates and Olympic medals get bitten while the NBA trophy is often dipped like a dance partner, held the way Clark Gable holds Vivien Leigh in the poster for "Gone With The Wind."
I don't know if actors do this when they win an Oscar, but it makes me hopeful that Megan Fox may one day win the Academy Award if only to see if she licks it with her tongue.
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