If you're a late-thirty-something like me, you've spent the last ten years bewildered by "emo," a youth movement celebrating histrionic displays of emotion, skinny jeans, and hair that looks like it was put on backwards.

I'm no emo...

I'm using my channel-flicker to flick through the channels today, and I see this 100-year-old grouchy guy named "Dick Cheeny" giving a speech at the "American Enzyme Institute" (?), and it looks like his mouth is about to slide off the side of his face and expose his skull, so...

Rep. Joe Barton of the great state of Texas had a gold-star day yesterday. He outsmarted a Nobel-Prize winner! Barton sits on the House Energy & Commerce Committee. He asked Energy Secretary Steven Chu a simple question:

"How did all the oil and gas get to Alaska?"

Chu started...

It seems every news story about the AIG bonuses now makes reference to anonymous death threats that are pouring into the company.

I started making left-wing political cartoons one month after 9/11. At that time, most people weren't exactly pumped to hear someone making fun of the whole idea...

Don't know about you, but I am FIRED UP about Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal's speech last night. After "Communist-in-Chief" Barack Obama spoke to Americans like they were a bunch of babies (all the while scheming to steal their money and give it to the banks, which he would then nationalize,...

As our free market comes under deadly assault by the Socialists and the Trotskyists in the White House, we must rally around the principles of innovation, competition, and excellence that made our country great -- back when it was a free-market laboratory and not the USSR paradise it's turning into...

WASHINGTON, DC: In a stunning late-hour development, President George W. Bush has granted Osama bin Laden a pardon for the murder of more than 2,700 Americans in the fall of 2001.

"This kinda came out of nowhere," said a White House aide who requested anonymity. "I wouldn't have put bin...

This is me, 24 hours from now:

Seriously, guys: HAVE WE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE? Bush withdrawal may be more painful than I anticipated.

Here's the year-end list you've all been waiting for: BEST JOKES OF 2008!

1. "Hey, it's really cold! I guess someone forgot to tell GLOBAL WARMING about that!"

2. "Hey, did you notice Hillary's pants? I guess they really SUIT her!"

3. "Why do chickens make better lovers? Because they...

Well, it's that time of year -- when we celebrate the very best of 2008!

The news has been buzzing with details about this week's amazing face transplant, but a quick review of the year shows that the face transplant was not, in fact, the best transplant of 2008.

Here's...

If you're like most people, you're still in shock. THIS IS NOT THE SAME THING AS HAVING YOUR MIND BLOWN.

Even if you're stumbling around the office saying, "I can't believe it . . . I can't believe it . . . it blows my mind . . ." that...

Dear Ms. Forester de Rothschild,

After Obama wins the election and steals all the white peoples' money and gives it to the black people and then commands the black people to take our cars and our candelabras and forces us to work in the underground salt mines for fifty cents...

News Alert! Some fancy lady named Lady Lynn Forester de Rothschild has decided that Barack Obama is an "elitist" and therefore she's going to endorse John McCain.

Is this the greatest news factoid of all time?

Answer: YES.

It turns out ol' Lady Lynn Forester der von Rothschild...

Enough with the analyses and assumptions of "electoral tactics" playing a role in John McCain's vice-presidential pick.

John McCain said he would pick the most qualified candidate for the job of vice-president.

John McCain picked Sarah Palin.

Why?

Because John McCain believes Sarah Palin is the most qualified person in...

Let's review:

Bob Schieffer of Face The Nation made an important point: Unlike all-American war hero John McCain, Barack Obama has never "ridden in a fighter plane and gotten shot down."

In response, General Wesley Clark (traitor) said that riding in a fighter plane and getting shot down. . ....

I like this song.

Hello to all my internet friends!

In honor of the five-year anniverary of Thomas Friedman's infamous "Suck. On. This." rationale for the Iraq War, I present an EXCLUSIVE EXCERPT from my book about the War On Terrorism! (I'm writing this book for my personal edification.)

This excerpt touches on...

(The title of this post is satirical. It is not a direct quote from Senator Clinton.)

Anybody watch Step It Up And Dance last night? HOT STUFF!

Anyway gang, I just read something remarkable. "Remarkable" as in, "It is remarkable that my eyeballs are still in my head after reading...

Excuse me, but I have something to say about the Reverend Wright scandal.

Hello? Maybe you didn't hear me: I said, I have something to say about the Reverend Wright scandal.

"Reverend Who," you ask? Reverend Wright. (Maybe they're not covering him in your media market?) He's a goofball who...

HEY GANG! LET'S HAVE A "MOVIE MINUTE."

Man, I loved "Monster." Charlize Theron's Oscar(TM)-winning portrait of a woman whose moral center had been abraded by years of desperate, bitter conflict was positively chilling. Remember her last line? The sarcasm was