BREAKING -- Clinton's Economic Stimulus Package

BREAKING-- BREAKING-- MUST ATTRIBUTE-- SIREN PICTURE-- SIREN PICTURE-- THE SIREN IS SPINNING 'ROUND AND 'ROUND--

Hey gang... just off the phone with a TOP CLINTON STRATEGIST... I've got the details on Hillary Clinton's new economic stimulus package... designed to help those hit hardest by the recent economic downturn... the unexpected choppy waters we find ourselves in...

It's a specific plan, not like Obama's "let's all hold hands and reach for the stars, which we can't even grab because we're all tangled up in each others' hands..."

Here it is:

IF YOU'RE JUST SCRAPING BY AT YOUR JOB, HILLARY CLINTON WILL GIVE YOU FIVE MILLION DOLLARS, CASH. . . PROVIDED YOUR JOB INVOLVES RUNNING FOR THE DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATION.

(OFFER NOT VALID FOR BARACK OBAMA.)

The funds are limited, so you'd better start gathering petition signatures now! I'm throwing my hat in the ring and running as "Ron Paul 3000," the hot new version of Ron Paul... look for my virtual rally in Second Life... please come dressed like a warlock... my campaign needs warlocks... we're caucusing in World of Warcraft, too... meet me under the Skull-Bridge of N'thrungore... I'll be playing the zither and singing about Ayn Rand...

I bet Barack Obama wishes he had the (intellectual) funds and (selfless) boldness to propose such an audacious stimulus package! Hillary Clinton has just earned her stripes as an economic-package-stimulator of the highest order!!! Her plan puts real money in the hands of real people who need it real bad.

What's Obama's plan? More of the same old platitudes? "Ooh, look at this YouTube video of a bunch of young people singing some hippie-style rap song where they couldn't even afford to film it in color?" Last time I checked, that didn't add up to FIVE MILLION DOLLARS CASH. NEXT!

Contrast Obama's empty rhetoric with Clinton's PROVEN ABILITY to provide MASSIVE INJECTIONS OF CASH to those who need it most! She's so modest, she didn't even brag about it at the time! Most politicians would have called a big press conference on the porch of their mansion and been all like, "Look at me! I'm giving away millions of dollars to a woman in need! Let's all go to Kazakhstan to celebrate how great I am!"

But not Hillary Clinton! It's the classic dynamic: Specific versus vague; proven versus untested; tested versus unproven.

(And by the way, don't tell me to go to Obama's web site and read his positions and plans for myself... I want to know his specific policies, not read a bunch of words and sentences and download PDF files and whatnot... Give me a break... like the old saying goes, "You can lead David Rees to some information, but you can't make him read it, it's not like the guy's a TOTAL NERD.")

SEE YOU NEXT TIME! MUST ATTRIBUTE!

Comments

[Gehron]

"Breaking News"?

[Groobiecat]

Great post. I especially enjoy the collective tilting of heads of a lot of people responding to this post (think the RCA dog "Nipper") "Wait. What? Are you *for* or *against* and, um...what?"

:D

Too funny. As Bush might say after having gone to Barack's web site to sort through his well developed policy positions: "HIS WORDAGE IS CONFUSATORY!

[scepticalobserver]

It amazes me that anyone would pay attention to any pledge or proposal that doesn't have the support of the majority of both parties.
Any stimulus package, health-care reform or tax hikes are going to be sliced, diced and re-presented for a president's signature and if, and only if, the president has the majority of the congress playing ball will anything happen.
Bush thought that he could ram social security privatization down our throats and he hit a brick wall. (Today's financial markets prove that it was a stupid idea to begin with.)
Sadly, only a leader with a veto-proof majority can get anything done in Wash.
I still remember Bill Clinton's famous gays in the military pledge and George the elders pledge "Read my lips, no new taxes."
It's just rhetoric. Nothing has changed or will anytime soon. They bend to the wind and special interests.

[jaundicedview]

Ron Paul 3000!
Feel the tingle, that means it's working!

[ljsfolly]

OOOOOH Honey are you screwed if you love Hillary's plan! Anyone who will garnish peoples wages when they cannot afford HER health plan she will take you to the cleaners and dsposit the change in your pockets in the clinton offshore accounts! WWhat a joke you are for not looking at anything but the name. I guess the money she and Bill are making off of the coal/oil/questionable support Burkle & co have been making off Bill and whatever they have already sewed up as a part of what SHE/He will do for these guys when she is president makes no difference. Sold down the river is her plan for you and you are one of the buyers of the boat. Good luck.

[sockman]

Just look at an Obama rally and you will understand why the people in Jones Town, Guyana drank the Kool-aid.

[argent1]

What happened to the facts? Didn't Giuliani's message sink in?

[Independent007]

Obama has a plan, and his health care plan does not involve taking money from my paycheck.

Clintons engaged in racist behavior. They are not racists. But they race baited, and lost a lot of support over it.

Perhaps some of the Edwards supporters on here should really consider what platform Obama has before going to Hillary.

I for one was going to vote Republican before Obama. I can't see any better candidate out there except 2000 McCain. Unfortunately for him, he has run to the right of his record and is not the maverick he once used to be, thus I vote for Obama.

[moodyring]

"What's Obama's plan? More of the same old platitudes? 'Ooh, look at this YouTube video of a bunch of young people singing some hippie-style rap song where they couldn't even afford to film it in color?'"

Haha, thanks for the laugh!

[DrPaulProteus]

Right on Dave... some much-needed relief from the Hillarities and ObamaBots.

[frustratedinohio]

Thanks for making me laugh out loud. APMP. (almost peed my pants). I wish someone would talk to Obama like that on tv. In fact I wish Hillary would talk to him like that in a debate.

[sleepless]

I love this post because it made me laugh out loud, Don't you quibblers see that the Democratic party will choose? Obama and Clinton could turn the crap on its head and team up. They each have half of us now! How can one 'win' while the other half is pissed off? Hey, they could use their campaign funds to start the stimulus package that the Republican senators just blocked. They could tell us every day who died in Iraq. I appreciate the humor in this post. Everything else about this broken system tears at my heart. I supported Kucinich of course. Follow the money.

[opines]

Beware of 'stimulus' packages. The magnitude of credit, debt and Federal deficit make certain that a Depression is unavoidable and imminent.

Attempts to avoid crashing (stimulus packages)on the way down will dismantle critical safety nets needed to ease the pain during and following impact.

The $150 billion stimpak currently being crafted will waste scarce and precious funding. It would be wiser to use those funds to set plans in place to assure that inner cities and rural areas would be provided with food and other necessities following impact.

But politicians running for election, if they chose such a course instead of attempting to stimulate the moribund economy would be chastised for their pessimistic outlook.

Not too different from a doctor telling a family with limited resources not to waste what little they have trying to add a few more months life to a dying relative.

[eladora]

She didnt say she wouldnt support her--she said she would consider it. Why does all this hate and misquoting about either spouse have to be the news? Why do supporters of the dem party even go there? Oh --its prob because you arent dems--you are republicans and you know you rile people up with this. Good one.
There are people in New Orleans not recovered because our govt failed them, soldiers in Iraq for the 5th tours, insurance companies ruling the world for health care and the mortgage crisis . People need to all square up and confront real issues .

[Kungfublood]

Does she mention the importance of the slave labor camps in her grand plan?
The ones her mandatory insurance program will be sending people to who refuse to pay into her morally bankrupt, brain damaged ,corporate funders-induced scheme? Pay or be locked up! what a great plan!
"we don't need people on the streets who can't afford my plan." .."people who won't be duped into believing that it is a good idea or are just to smart or to moral to be living in America under our corporate boot". "So away with them! To prison they must go! Where they will be turned into productive members of society".
TV LIES.