BREAKING-- BREAKING-- MUST ATTRIBUTE-- SIREN PICTURE-- SIREN PICTURE-- THE SIREN IS SPINNING 'ROUND AND 'ROUND--
Hey gang... just off the phone with a TOP CLINTON STRATEGIST... I've got the details on Hillary Clinton's new economic stimulus package... designed to help those hit hardest by the recent economic downturn... the unexpected choppy waters we find ourselves in...
It's a specific plan, not like Obama's "let's all hold hands and reach for the stars, which we can't even grab because we're all tangled up in each others' hands..."
Here it is:
IF YOU'RE JUST SCRAPING BY AT YOUR JOB, HILLARY CLINTON WILL GIVE YOU FIVE MILLION DOLLARS, CASH. . . PROVIDED YOUR JOB INVOLVES RUNNING FOR THE DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATION.
(OFFER NOT VALID FOR BARACK OBAMA.)
The funds are limited, so you'd better start gathering petition signatures now! I'm throwing my hat in the ring and running as "Ron Paul 3000," the hot new version of Ron Paul... look for my virtual rally in Second Life... please come dressed like a warlock... my campaign needs warlocks... we're caucusing in World of Warcraft, too... meet me under the Skull-Bridge of N'thrungore... I'll be playing the zither and singing about Ayn Rand...
I bet Barack Obama wishes he had the (intellectual) funds and (selfless) boldness to propose such an audacious stimulus package! Hillary Clinton has just earned her stripes as an economic-package-stimulator of the highest order!!! Her plan puts real money in the hands of real people who need it real bad.
What's Obama's plan? More of the same old platitudes? "Ooh, look at this YouTube video of a bunch of young people singing some hippie-style rap song where they couldn't even afford to film it in color?" Last time I checked, that didn't add up to FIVE MILLION DOLLARS CASH. NEXT!
Contrast Obama's empty rhetoric with Clinton's PROVEN ABILITY to provide MASSIVE INJECTIONS OF CASH to those who need it most! She's so modest, she didn't even brag about it at the time! Most politicians would have called a big press conference on the porch of their mansion and been all like, "Look at me! I'm giving away millions of dollars to a woman in need! Let's all go to Kazakhstan to celebrate how great I am!"
But not Hillary Clinton! It's the classic dynamic: Specific versus vague; proven versus untested; tested versus unproven.
(And by the way, don't tell me to go to Obama's web site and read his positions and plans for myself... I want to know his specific policies, not read a bunch of words and sentences and download PDF files and whatnot... Give me a break... like the old saying goes, "You can lead David Rees to some information, but you can't make him read it, it's not like the guy's a TOTAL NERD.")
SEE YOU NEXT TIME! MUST ATTRIBUTE!