Top Excuses Trump Can Give To Cancel The Debates

1. It is door-to-door rent collection night at Trump Towers
2. When I'm out past 8, Melania holds her breath until I get home
3. It might rain and I think I won't be able to find my Brocabrella
4. I have to newspaper Baron's cage
5. I have to pick up the mink bed restraints for Donald, Jr.
6. One word: Shopkins
7. I need to oil my bodyguards
8. It is makeup night with Susan Lucci
9. There is an Apprentice marathon on in my Panic Room TV
10.I get bigger bags under my eyes if I take the Bologna slices off too soon
11. The instructions say I must leave the chin belt and hair net on after 6PM
12. Frankly I need a little me time
13. I play chess with Mexicans. Oh. Not as opponents. As pieces.
14. I am still on the books to hang with Roger Ailes at Fox News or as he calls it, Hooters.
15. I will debate anyone but Hillary
16. I am having dinner with Mike Pence, though I have no idea who he is
17. Lenny, my debate puppet, will not be ready.
18. My request for midget debate whisperers has been denied
19. In our place should be Chachi and the Fonz who will get excellent ratings, believe me
20. I'm sorry, who is Mike Pence again?
21. It's a Jewish holiday and Ivanka -- I'm sorry, Rifka Jewstein -- is making latkes
22.It's graduation at Trump U and the guest speaker is Whitey Bulger on closed circuit TV
23. There are two football games that night and I am not missing them.
24. I have to walk my dog, Rosie O'Donnell
25. I will make you a deal. When Mr. Kahn releases naked lesbian pictures of his wife, like I did and like every other president before me, I will show up.