Time for New Chuck Norris Jokes

After reading Chuck Norris' two columns against hate crimes legislation (1 2) -- the "Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act... could not only criminalize opinions (an unconstitutional act) but also provide elevated protection to pedophiles" -- and Media Matters' response, I think it's time for a new round of Chuck Norris jokes:

Chuck Norris can crush facts with his bare opinions.

Chuck Norris doesn't have to leap to conclusions. He just sits there and conclusions leap to him.

Chuck Norris thinks homosexuality is a choice, but his oiled, bare chest isn't so sure.

You think those jokes are lame? Me too. That's why Chuck Norris gave us comment sections...

Comments

[cnobody]

what I dislike about this whole "Chuck Norris....­" meme is that these same jokes were circulated around 2001-2002 with Vin Diesel as the protagonist. Those were a lot funnier to me.

[RevBookburn]

What happens every time Chuck Norris goes to a gay S & M club? He shouts 'I'm ready for sticks and kicks!'

Funny how many of the loudest homophobes, Pastor Ted Haggard, Sen. Larry Craig, Carrie Prejean's mom, all seem to have little secrets. Rev. Bookburn - Radio Volta

[TwoSpirits]

What do Ronald Reagan and Chuck Norris have in common? Conservatively speaking, BAD acting.

[MrKnuckles]

Chuck Norris accidentally broke his leg the other day when his ol' pal Mike Huckabee told him a joke that was a real knee slapper...

[RobinSeattle]

Well, it's hard to top a joke like Walker Texas Ranger, one of the most amateurishly written tv shows in modern history.

[robotfog]

Yeah, hate crimes legislation is dangerous because it holds people accountable for terrible crimes that they used to almost always get off easy for because the victims weren't valuable citizens contributing to society.

Chuck can still stand around saying how much he hates homos or whatever. He will only be held responsible if he physically attacks one.

Maybe he's been drinking his beard dye.

[writerjohnny]

Chuck Norris telling us what the founding fathers could never have foreseen is like having a blind man describe what a gnat looks like under a microscope except the blind man would be a lot more accurate AND he's probably a better actor.

[jmpurser]

You know, I really loved "Lone Wolf McQuade". It was so completely horrible the result was wonderful. Based on that I saw a number of Chuck's movies done under "Golan Globus" (sp?) and each one got stupider and stupider. I guess the trend kept going until Chuck became a hopeless republican.

Yeah, Chuck's pretty much the punchline for jokes now. Not much else he's any good for.

[django707]

Wow, Chuck Norris can write?

His talent is boundless - karate champion, thespian, spiritual warrior, and intellectual.

To think one man could be so blessed.

[JDM73]

Chuck's a rightie from way back, and he has a history of making pronouncements that are as bizarre as they are dumb. Back in the mid-'80s a writer named Byron Coley did a little unauthorized Norris bio, using quotes from interviews the former karate champ had done with various magazines and newspapers. At one point, Norris actually characterized marijuana smokers as "perverts".

[JebSpringfield]

Chuck Norris knows for sure that dinosaurs and humans co-existed, because Chuck Norris's bare hands are what made them all extinct.

[robotfog]

now that he's finished with the dinosaurs, he's coming for us humans.

[JebSpringfield]

Chuck Norris once chewed up a copy of "On the Origin of Species" and spat out a thousand Jack Chick tracts.

[JebSpringfield]

Chuck Norris once denied reality so hard, it temporarily ceased to exist.

[KickerBoard]

Hold on for the best punchline ever...

Chuck Norris - actor.

[robotfog]

Ha. You were right! if this were a contest, everyone else could go home now.

[LMPE]

If you endorsed for president a guy who believes the earth to be 6,000 years old just so that you could get noticed, you may be Chuck Norris.