Remember last year around this time when I told you that Music's Biggest Night just got bigger. Well, size continues to matter, and bigger is about to get even bigger still. So to quote the great singer-songwriter and philosopher king Cee Lo Green, if you don't watch the Grammy Awards this Sunday night on CBS, then "Forget You."
Having worked on the Grammy Awards as a writer for a decade now, I wanted to share with you my totally objective reasons why you will want to spend all of your Sunday night with me, and with so many of the biggest stars in music -- from Bob Dylan to Bruno Mars, from Barbra Streisand to Justin Bieber:
Because anyone who's anyone will be there -- maybe even Lindsay Lohan if she can steal the right thing to wear.
Because right now in the streets of Egypt, men and women are fighting for more freedom -- while we are all blessed to live in a nation where Cee Lo and Gwyneth Paltrow are free to sing "Forget You" with some of Jim Henson's puppets. God bless America. God bless the Grammys.
Because Justin Bieber is probably never going to have a Bar Mitzvah, so Sunday night when he performs with Usher and is up for Best New Artist just might be the next best thing.
Because Blake Shelton will introduce a great performance by his fiancé Miranda Lambert -- though personally I don't approve of introductions before marriage.
Because Bob Dylan and Barbra Streisand don't generally pop up on the same bill -- with the possible exception of a long rumored Black Panther-B'nai B'rith Beer Mixer at the Village Vanguard.
Because recent studies indicate watching the Grammy Awards at home is still dramatically safer than attending Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark.
Because won't it be nice to finally see Mick Jagger and Miley Cyrus back together again?
Because Kris Kristofferson is going to introduce Barbra, and yes, Virginia, there really were Born movies before Matt Damon.
Because Lady Antebellum and Lady Gaga might accidentally switch dressing rooms - and then who know what sexy hijinks might ensue?
Because I'm just saying -- Katy Perry and Neil Patrick Harris who'll both be there seemed to have a lot chemistry on How I Met Your Mother.
Because hearing Florence from Florence + The Machine in our salute to Aretha Franklin -- along with Christina Aguilera, Jennifer Hudson, Martina McBride and Yolanda Adams -- may be the most advanced math education many young Americans receive this year.
Because Clay Matthews from the Green Bay Packers will be there, and if you don't watch, he might blitz you.
Because from my privileged backstage point of view, I can honestly tell you that there's something on this year's show for everyone -- whether you're a Gleeks, a Tiger Mom to just a free range Huff Po hipster.
Because my hero Bob Dylan is playing in a segment alongside Mumford & Sons and The Avett Brothers -- that's my kind of family entertainment. And remember, folks, when Bob Dylan plays the Grammy Awards, surprising, Soy-based things tend to happen.
Because I've heard some rumblings that former Representative Chris Lee (Republican - New York) will be emailing shirtless photos of himself to all the Grammy winners -- and possibly to all the Grammy viewers too.
Because Eminem deserves a hug. And do you have any idea how the hell hard it is to get an appointment with Dr. Dre?
Because deep, deep down in our secretly shallow places, we all know the ultimate truth -- that award shows really are better than life.
So enjoy the show. And to learn more about the Grammy Awards, got to grammy.com -- and even follow my wiseass tweets and low quality photos on twitter at the address below.
Finally, what you most looking forward to on this year on the Grammys?